LOST AND FOUND

I have spent a lifetime searching for things I felt I had 'lost'.  There was an emptiness to my being and felt that if I found 'lost family' or discovered where I came from I would be made whole.

Truth be told, there was no real effort on my part,  I knew bits and pieces but did not really have the hearty to dig further.  Part of the lack of enthusiasm was my not really feeling any deep connection to the 'family' lost.  I was a throwaway, of little value to my birth mother.  I had moments of memories of siblings but not enough to wrap my brain round.  Almost nothing was known of my father and had no knowledge of extended family.  I set about building my own family.

I know more about my beginnings now than I ever did.  Some of it is a bit of a shock and some parts leave me with a strong sense of sadness.

With a good deal of luck and pluck, I have managed to survive.  Life has thrown much at me, some of it grand and some of it not so nice.  I have got to my later years with many memories and a firm belief that it is never over until it is over.  Have this strange belief that the best is yet to come,

In the end, you may well say that I never 'lost' anything.  I have found me,  The me that I did not appreciate.

ACTIVISM IS MY RENT ON EARTH - LINDA REMEMBERED

My dears, at some point one has to try and make a difference.  To be told that one person can not make a difference is but so much tosh.  Like any 'urban legend', if repeated oft enough it takes on life of own and tends to be taken as truth.

Dear reader, were all to feel, that it would be a sad world we live in.  How horrid to think that due to things being one way, change is impossible, that once turned to custard, things can not be sorted out and made proper.  Over the past few years, many have told MOI that the rose-coloured glasses worn are bit dated, that one has to view the world, or patch of earth lived on, with all of the grit kept in place.

Past places lived have offered challenge and opportunity to try and make a difference.  Results were mixed.  Lives had been turned round and social change happened to a degree.  At some point one comes to realization that lasting change will only come about if the folks one is trying to save are truly interested in accepting a new path and stop clinging to the attitude of 'entitlement'.  Truth be told, there are some who feel more comfy living in a blighted community as it enables them to be benefits cheats and lazy layabout scroungers.  It is OK for drugs to be sold and the poison it is  continue to ruin any hope of a better life.  More's the pity that.

"In order to turn a sow's ear into a silk purse, it helps to start with a silk sow."

Linda be that 'silk sow'.  Abused and forgot, folks lost footing on life's path and settled for less than deserved.  Regardless, the community is still there, just waiting for the dead branches to be cut away and the ground to be watered and made ready for new growth to spring forth.  Sounds a bit much?  Depends on who you chat with and what you have see of the level of interest in being made more brilliant.

This old geezer has been blessed.  Met many lovely folks  in Linda and community round.  Am just willing to listen to stories told and try to reach out to folks.  Grand as that may be, it is for naught unless you capture like minded folks along the path, willing to join in the efforts.  I have been gobsmacked at how much support is out there.

To be true, it started with top copper of Yuba County promising to take an active interest.  Add in Supervisor Andy Vasquez, toss in Supervisor John Nicoletti and mix in the coppers and ordinary folks willing to do extra-ordinary things, and you begin to get the picture.  One has to also give credit to Murray Kay, who partnered with and has come to see that sorting out the Linda Villa was the morally right thing to do.

Community activism is multi-layered.  One has to have more than a vision.  Helps to have tools to right some of the social ills that plague a troubled community.  Being able to fix up flats and offer good housing to deserving folks.  Folks who have limited cash but want to be safe and responsible.  A place that children can live and play without fear of coming into contact with the wrong sort.

Taking a huge hit in the pocketbook and getting bad folks out of units.  There is no future in renting to folks who deal poison or use it.  Expose their children to a poison that can ruin young lives.  There is no high to be got from poison, it is a complete downer and destroys all it touches.

The snaps featured with this post tell part of the story.  Horrid it is that folks just hurl broken furniture round bin and into.  Linda Villa is not to be in business of rubbish removal, it just plays out that way.  Bad folks who refuse to accept any responsibility.  Why should they, they live in a throw-away society and see selves as throw-aways.  Tenants and folks round who have no shame in 'dumping' on the Linda Villa.  In order to bring lasting change one has to suffer a few blows and this be one of them.

Rounding up 17 strays and removing has made life better at the Linda Villa.  No one is ever going to get this old geezer to feel that it was humane to feed growing population of cats.  Or that it is OK to allow dogs to poo where they may and not clean up after.  Not a popular action, but one MOI can live with.  Am not here to be everyone's best mate.  One has to knock a few heads together.

I abhor crude and filthy language, almost as much as I loathe folks who spew hatred.  Racial or lifestyle.  Unacceptable.  Having been viewed with hate in life, am acutely aware of how horrid it be.  To teach children hate words continues the cycle.

This old geezer is far from perfect.  I am trying to be more perfect and to make a difference.  How grand to know that path is filled with like minded folks.

"If you change things in one way, you change them in other ways."  I passionately believe that.

For the first time in ages am of the opinion that social activism in Linda can turn round the community.  Folks deserve better than received in past.  Public opinion is being changed, and Linda, the Linda Villa, the brilliant new neighbours moving in and the old neighbours cleaning up act are making that easier and easier.

I have been called a shameless self promoter in getting ink in local newspaper.  If that be price paid to draw attention to patch of earth live on, so be it.  More's the pity that more do not do.

Nothing kills a community more quickly than apathy.  From all heard about Linda, the good folks did nothing to correct the impression that Linda was DEAD.  Folks were too quick to jump on the bandwagon and spread the rumour that all was lost in this community.  To be true, there is loads of blame to go round.

Local Merchants forgot that customers have to be gone after, cultivated to the point that they truly want to come to Linda to shop, eat or live.  The Air Force community has not been brilliant either.  Linda is at the door step to the Air Force base, any guess how many of the folks stationed there live in Linda?  What about the local college?  Do many of the students lived round?

Linda has been robbed of its personality.  So much so, the postcode for Linda is Marysville.  How silly is that?  Linda matters so little that it can not even proclaim self in the post code?

Call me daft, and it may well apply to some degree.  I have propensity to be pedantic.  Some might even go so far as to say shrill.  Whatever.  Truth be told, I live in this community.  I want to see it be as brilliant as possible.  Want more and more folks to step forward and try to make a difference.  Passionately want folks in Yuba County to know that Linda contains lovely folks who are part of what makes the county a special place to live.

What I want and what I will get are two different things.  That is just the way of it, my dears.  I will just continue to bang on for change.

TALES OF WOE?

One of my more avid readers told in a post that he found 'happiness' in my tales of woe.  Fancy that...

I will allow the above snap speak for me.

Truth be told, in telling of my adventures, there be some who feel it is 'woe'.  Rather think of it as a colourful walk through life, full of rain as well as sunshine.....

"Flowers really do intoxicate me.

Robert - 2010 -  Lord, I was HUGE

Robert - 2010 - Playing in the dirt

Where did I get them shorts?

2010 STORY RE-VISITED

What a difference 4 years make.  Hard to believe I was so large back then........



"Can we conceive what humanity would be if it did not know the flowers?" Maurice Maeterlinck

My dears, for far too long the path leading to the rental office at the Linda Villa was a patch of barren soil, devoid of life and colour.  The whole world saw in a tick that there was no life at the Linda Villa, save a hard mean existance, populated by folks who did not care and had no pride in selves.

Murray Kay's dream for the Linda Villa was as moribound as that patch of earth.  The only thing of note were the rocks placed to keep the dead soil contained there.  Mind, the rocks could have been handy missiles to be hurled at windows of the office by tenants who had been sold a horrid place to live as well.  You pick the purpose.

No more!  After much think on, this old geezer did what had to be done.

Getting down and dirty, MOI, with paid help, dug up soil, added plant food, and started placing plants in front of and round office.  Being full of the spirit, MOI did much to bring life back to the area in front of.

Where there was once dearth, now gathers a plethora of God's smile to man.  Plants!

There be Verbena, Pansies, Marigolds and soon to be added stock.  Bags and bangs of brilliant bark set off the majestic Magnolia tree in the middle of the newly planted gadren.  On both sides of, there is more brilliant bark.

"I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance."
William Wordsworth

You, the dear reader, may well feel that this old geezer has gone 'gooey' over a few plants.  You be right.

The Linda Villa is leading by example.  Sponsoring a "Tenant Garden Contest", to be judged by Supervisor Vasquez and Sheriff Durfor on May 8th, the day of the "LINDA DRUG OUT BLOCK PARTY", this old geezer is passionate in belief that what speaks louder than the actions of.

Evil folks who do drugs, cheat benefits and lazy layabout scroungers are no longer welcome at the Linda Villa.  Planting life in the soil tells one and all that a new day has dawned at the Linda Villa.  The evil creatures of the past need to pack and move on.

My dears, there always be the risk that some evil creature will destroy the lovely garden planted.  Why allow a few evil folks rob one of the joy of beauty?  Why allow yobs to dictate how one will live?  What is life lived in fear and in a prison built by fear?

I will go to me grave believing that one must place one's self at risk to fully appreciate the freedoms placed about.

"If you've never been thrilled to the very edges of your soul by a flower in spring bloom, maybe your soul has never been in bloom." Terri Guillemets

'I WANT TO BE ALONE'

Never let it be said that the old geezer does not 'get it' when it comes to the 'wanting to be alone' mood.

Spent a lifetime pushing folks away and running off some who dared to get too close.  I am an expert at killing off friendship.

Yesterday I experienced something that made me realize I had been too busy beating my own drum and hearing the tune coming from someone close to.  You might even say BFF.

Having gone to supper, we found ourselves parked outside my home.  The music was playing and I was enjoying chatting with me friend.  My friend saw it differently.

"Do you not think it strange that we are sitting in a parked vehicle?".  So uneasy was me friend that he suggested that we exit the vehicle and chat in the car park.  Like a bolt from above, it came to me what the real problem was.

"Intimacy" is a dirty word to my friend.  Truth be told, 'relationship' does not do much better.

I should have listened better to me friend in the past.  Were it up to him, a cave in the middle of nowhere, visited by no one, would be the perfect place.  Most of what my friend does on a daily basis is 'alone'.  Let me be clear, it is his choice.

There have been periods in my life that were dark and lonely.  I did everything in my power to keep people out of my life.  If you give nothing of yourself to others, they can never hurt you.  Truth be told, I never really wanted to be alone, just was so very afraid to let any one in.

I have let some in.  The periods spent sharing with someone else are some of the best periods of my life.  I do not do 'single' well.  I crave people in my life.  Tend to think I am best when I get out of meself and live life through different eyes.

I have been told that I come on too strong.  Quite right.  I am trying to make up for lost time.

I understand my friend perfectly.  I really do.

I also know how to shut people out completely.  I did that with my half brother and sister.  There was no room for me and I did not want to accept 'conditional' relationship.

However much I love my friend, he has the right to live on his own terms.  If being 'alone' suits him, why push for change.  That bench in the forest can be his alone.

There is a lot of love left in me and life is too short to offer it where it is not wanted.

Funny thing about life, one door closes and another one opens.....

'ONLY LOSERS BLOG' ?

Robert, the blogger

"..............GET A LIFE............what makes you think that anyone wants to hear what you have to say?............'only losers blog' and you are one of the biggest......................the use of MOI and all of that UK crap drives me up the walls", quoted from an email received.


For over 5 year, and then some, if you count years lived on other roads and different places, MOI(used as this old geezer loathes to use the 'I' word) has been writing down his thoughts in a public diary about life lived on a road and in a community. Naive enough to believe that a website could educate some about life in a different part of the city and wanting to stay in touch with many mates all over the world. From the start, it was thought that there might be a few other than folks known who would drop by and allow MOI to tell them of events going on. That there has been so many that read it gobsmacks this old geezer.

A blog! Never thought of the website as that but has been pointed out folks calls these things just that. Sounds horrid, like MOI has an illness. Not only writing for website but sharing posts with folks on other sites as well.

Do not know how others 'blog' but MOI does it openly and allows folks to join site. There is an email address on the website that allows folks to contact...................bloody hell, do they ever, and most are not shy about what they have to say. Most seems to know that MOI will use some of the emails in posts, even going so far as to write that they hope MOI does. There are some who send comments and add that they do not want comments shared or for their identity to be told. MOI has never used anything that anyone wanted to be kept secret, never 'outed' anyone. Giving folks an email address s risky business. Not all of the email received(you need look no further than the above sample) is a kiss and not all are fond of this old geezer. That is the way of it!

My dears, there are folks who post blogs that are far more clever than this old geezer will ever be. The writing of many on other blogs is most excellent, and it would seem that many have a thing or two to say and they are not shy about doing it. Many use a 'username' that hides who they may be from folks who read. MOI just is too lazy to think of a clever name and just goes with own.

The risk in being public with opinions, is that some thoughts are going to not sit well with folks. Right mad they get. MOI has always told that is was just his opinion, not the 'burning bush' or a fashionable view. There was a time that a FORUM was open on the website and it went rather well for a long period of time. MOI had to close it as some wanted to post things that could cause problems and that did not sit well with some either. One can not win for losing it seems.

Dear reader, all of this comes up as a post of few days past seems to have rubbed some the wrong way. MOI did not think that there was anything told that was daring or even profound. It would seem that many saw it differently.

My dears, MOI asks the $64,000.00 question. To blog or not to blog? Does the writer of the email make a valid point? Is it daft to write and tell folks what you think and feel? Are the tens of millions who blog just one very large family of 'losers'. Do we do it because we do not have a life and this serves as one? My little chickadees, MOI knows the answer................quite sure that you do as well.

This old geezer writes to reach out and touch others.  AND to be touched.  If one were to take the hits received in one day of the blog, you get a feeling of just how much 'touching is going on.  What follows is but a 'snapshot' in time of one period, one day, in the life of me blog.  This is how the hits broke down;

United States 16,404
United Kingdom 2973
Australia  482
New Zealand   917
South Korea 620
Netherlands 408
Canada 840
Russia 849
Germany 374
Denmark 669
Sweden  547
Norway  251
Ukraine 944
China 354

It has not been a chore to 'blog' for many a month. There is so much heard and seen that MOI hardly thinks that there will ever come a time when 'writer's block' hits. With so many folks peeking in, it truly makes it thrilling to see just how far one can reach with a clever phrase.

Truth be told, this old geezer has is easier than most in finding things to write of.  Mind, MOI does tend to open lots of doors and windows where lived.  Willing to live adventure, to put one's self out.  Not easy to achieve if one is a pier clinger.

MOI has met very interesting folks due to 'blogging', very clever folks. Folks who have made a difference, who care and in many cases have hearts that are bursting with love and kindness. Not a 'loser' in the lot!

For my part, MOI will continue to 'blog'.  The only real important thing in life is to live, to make a difference, no matter how small, in that small part of the world lived, to reach out and touch...

MEMORIES SHARED

DISCLAIMER: Having been asked multiple time to tell stories from my life and giving the requests much thought, the old geezer has given in and provides a glimpse behind the veil. As with any life, it is the parts of, rather than the whole, that give the best understanding of should think. At least that is the belief of this old geezer. There are defining moments that allow folks to reference in trying to decide what to make of us. What will follow may be more than some will want to know, and they can stop reading. As to the dear reader who continues to read, what will follow will tell on a part of life lived that meant much to MOI and is believed to have shaped the course of his life. Having stated that, pray do not judge what you read until you get to the end and then decide if it gave a better understanding of MOI. Can ask for no more than that.

My dears, MOI sits at machine and quakes at the thought of revealing so much. However outgoing you may think MOI is, to be true, there is a most private person unknown to you. Right, MOI bangs out endless stories of life lived on road to the whole world and HE is 'private'. Bit of a dichotomy that and will leave it to you to sort it all out.

MOI is desperate to not come off as pompous and making every effort to qualify what will follow. Should think that this quote from 'Diary of A Nobody' does that nicely:

"Why should I not publish my diary? I have often seen reminiscences of people I have never even heard of, and I fail to see — because I do not happen to be a 'Somebody' — why my diary should not be interesting. George Grossmith

"Get on with it!" and so MOI shall.

It is convenient for many who have come upon MOI at this point in life to assume that his present visage is one that has always been one presented to the world. Old, fat and sinking into decrepitude. Hair much gone and eyes in need of glasses. No one knows better than MOI that what was once 'golden youth' has long since departed. Trust me my dears, there was a day that MOI was thought of as 'the cat's meow', quite a figure he cut, slim and handsome, even 'dashing'............. That was then and this is now, and the bath mirror tells daily what MOI looks like.

Many, many moons ago, long before the INTERNET, MOI met a chap that was to change his life forever. Did not know at the time, but it is surely how it turned out.

Now, MOI knows full well that for as many who are 'au fait' with, there will be many giving a read that have missed a few chapters here and will be clueless to some things about MOI. MOI is 'bent' as in not straight. 'Gay' if you prefer, although MOI has always been curious as to the popular use of the word to label followers of 'the love that dare not speak it's name'. To be sure, MOI has met many a 'unhappy' homosexual. Yes Virginia, MOI is a 'nancy boy', 'light in the loafers' and would never be thought of as a 'bit of rough'.........you get the picture..........

MOI was sitting at a luncheon counter in a city not unlike one now lived in, when the love of his life entered. Unknown to MOI, this young chap had seen MOI on many different occasions and was hellbent on making himself known to MOI. MOI was reading a book and trying to block out what was going on round and was not happy about being put upon by this chap. Had never paid any attention to in the past and was clueless as to why he would want to introduce self to(not really, but was trying to be coy).

'My name is John, and I have seen you around' he said. Not the most original of lines but it will have to do. He WAS easy on the eye and did have a pleasant manner, so MOI bought into the meet and agreed to go to see a film with. 'The trap was set' and MOI walked right into it. John agreed to see a foreign film(learned later he loathed sub-title films) and a good time was had by both. We agreed to meet again.

A chance meeting turned into a marathon of meeting over the following 7 days and at the end, John took to dinner and came right out with his purpose. Sitting cross from, he set a pair of keys on the table and said: 'I have decided that we are meant for each other and here are the keys to my home, you are to move in!' MOI had never had a real live-in relationship up to that point and was gobsmacked at how firm his belief was that MOI was THE one. To be true, MOI had taken a shine to John and it was not hard to buy into the offer. Kindred souls we were, or so MOI thought at the time, and that was to be more so as time went by.

Will not bore the dear reader with the mundane details of daily life between us. To be true, one does not remember these as clearly as the snapshots of a life shared that spring forward that become the high lights of. And there are so many of these to cling to.

What is remembered on this day are these:

First trip to Lake Tahoe. Driving through the snow in the mountains and chatting all the way. Checking in at the hotel(a rather grand one), taking silver dollars and placing into a massive fruit machine next to check-in, losing $5.00 with first pull and placing the next bet and pulling handle(they still had at that time) turning round and telling that we had just lost $10.00 and had not even made to room or got to eat yet. The massive machine started ringing loudly, with lights flashing. MOI had won the 'JACKPOT', all of the sultans had lined up and $5,000 was won. No fool was John and he quickly told MOI to take the cash and run. We canceled our rooms(they now were offered for FREE), collected winnings in CASH and got back into motor and were headed home. My dears, it had been a long drive there and tired as we had been, we not were quite giddy at having so much cash that we laughed and laughed all the way home. Tired was not even thought of.

Buying our first house. Wondering how we were going to pay the $286.46 mortgage. Tight we were with a quid, we were. There would be many homes to follow but one always remembers the first.

Doing a make-over on John's wardrobe. John was a 'trust fund' baby. Came from 'old money' and had never had to worry about the whole of life. Right odd how the truly rich never think of selves as 'wealthy'. John thought a perfect wardrobe could be had at JCPenney, right off the rack his clothes came and it showed. Out went the old and in came the 'designer look'. From shirts to trousers to under pants and shoes even, John was made over. To be true, John did not put up a fight and loved the 'new' look.

Walking through Macy's one afternoon and John spotting a 'Calvin Klein' leather jacket and wishing he could afford it. My dears, he could, just too bloody tight with cash to part with. MOI went back and bought it and John was gobsmacked at the extravagance. Mind, it soon became his most favourite jacket.

The many holidays taken together in Hawaii. Walking the beaches, dining well, staying at a posh hotel, planning on retiring there one day.

Taking John to his first play and having John take MOI to his first Bette Midler concert.

John standing up for MOI when the newspapers carried stories of the horrid businessman he was. Making money was not something folks thought kindly about, more so when it meant buying run down hotels in rough section of city and moving the old and the poor out. MOI never broke any laws, it was all perfectly legal, but MOI and his partners in business, were not 'social workers' and never gave a thought to the human cost of displacement. It was all about making money. Not nice to see self in the newspaper and called "Tarzan of the Tenderloin". Have a clever columnist write about and liken one to 'what the evil dentist in a film was to dentistry, is DeFrees to hotel industry'. Dark days but John never left side and brushed off the countless newspapers dropped on his desk to draw attention to the horrid creature he lived with. Not once.

Throwing a birthday bash and having all stay away due to the notoriety of MOI. ALL, my dears, personal friends and folks known in local government. John lighting the candles on cake and giving presents to MOI as he cried and cried.

Sitting here, so many memories come flooding back, it is hard to know which to tell. They come back out of order, some stronger than others, but they are quite vivid. It was a life lived, charmed to be sure but it came with a price.

Many sad partings as MOI went off to far away places to do business. Long periods apart in cities across the pond. Missed birthdays and holidays and daily events not shared. There were the telephone calls and the letters and cards. Many, many cards, with messages of longing sent and received. A collection of T-Shirts sent to John from every place visited.

Then came AIDS.

No one who was not there will ever know how horrid that period of time was in the beginning. Stories were told of a strange new illness that was striking down countless homosexual men. 'The Gay Plague' it was wrongly thought of. It got that due to so many homosexuals being among the first brought down by it. MOI read all on the subject he could find. MOI heard it was spread by sexual contact.

MOI had always been told by mates that he was a prude, that he was missing out on the greater ride to be ad by the 'sexual revolution' taking place. The 'candy store' was open for business and all one had to do was enter and feed on all of the delights to be had. Sample away, what is the harm and you might even like it. The problem with 'FREE LOVE' is that it is not entirely free. There has to be some guilt attached to all of that pleasure, and what about STD's. MOI missed the boat and all let him know.

When they came out with a test for risk to AIDS, MOI was one of the first to take. Dragged John with. At the time, the 'Lavender Elite' was not big on it, even suggested that it had no value and could be used to round up folks in the future. Nothing like spreading a few lies to scare folks. In the beginning, one was given the test and a number was handed to, all very private and without identity attached to. No one wanted anyone to know HIV status.

Together, John and MOI got the test, TOGETHER, and his number was exchange with mine so that we would know the true status of the other. A week passed, and the day of the results came. To be true, MOI had bought into the myth and felt that since he had been a life long homosexual, he would have a positive result. My number told John that MOI was negative, and John's number told MOI that he was positive.

The clock was ticking. MOI had done his homework and believe that it was 'infected' with and not 'exposed to' that was the true meaning of the test results. Many did not feel that way. No one wanted to believe that death was coming.

With the support of John, MOI set about trying to help in any way possible. If you think that writing letters to folks is something new, you should have seen in earlier times. MOI was pedantic. Sitting at dining room table, MOI wrote in long hand, one letter after another to any and all one could thing of to help with this growing plague. There were letters to the White House, Senators, Congressmen, health officials, hospitals, newspapers, television and folks known all over the country. Trips were made to Washington and other places to beg for help. Fundraisers were held in home. jumbos put together to raise even more cash. No stone was left upturned. Along the way, MOI lost mates, people one knew stopped come by the house. A congressman likened MOI to a zealot. Doors were slammed shut and telephone calls not returned.

Through it all was John.

When a costume was used to march in front of businesses that were not being morally responsible, John sat in vehicle and watched over. Helped wipe off the spit hurled at MOI. Drove to hospitals to deliver reading material. Picked up from homes of dying men, after a long night of Hospice care.

Throughout 1986, John had many health problems, it was clear that something was coming. Christmas 1986 was a blowout. Vans from every store like delivered present after present for John to have under the tree that year. It was a Christmas to remember.

Through all of the years together, we had never invited workmates of John to our home. We did that year, along with a collection of others special to us. MOI hired caterers, had so much food that tables groaned under the weight of it all. Bartenders mixed drinks. The front of the home had fake snow on the garden, and there were so many lights on the house one almost was blinded by them. Every single room had Christmas in it, and the tree that year never looked better.

Santa even came(with a little help from MOI) and had small presents for each and every one there. MOI gathered all round tree and had Christmas Carols sung, with the voice of MOI being the loudest. It truly was a night to remember.

Just after the holidays, the shoe long waited for, dropped. John was rushed to hospital with 'PCP' a definitive marker for full blown AIDS. John had gone from 'infected' to 'victim'.

My dears, MOI is not going to bore you with horrid details, that is not the point of this story. Quite sure that you know that it was not an easy time. What will be told is the story of how this dark hour turned MOI into what he is today.

John faced his illness with courage and humour. The man had CLASS, buckets of it.

He told the whole world of his illness. No easy thing to do at that time, there was much fear. John told all of his workmates and the company he had worked for all of his life. We told all we knew of his illness. He made a special effort to tell his closest mates.

We went about living, knowing full well that these days remaining were numbered.

Every time John was well enough to travel we boarded a plane and went to Hawaii. These trips gave John so much and there were times we stayed but a day or two, having to return due to his condition.

We planned his funeral, every detail of it. And there were some giggle had in doing that. Sitting at dining room table stuffing Mass cards into envelopes, John remarked how cruel MOI was having him glue his snap on and pass to MOI. He helped pick out the quote used on and even helped decide which music to play for mates at memorial service to be held. We did all of this together, side by side.

John was thrilled when President Ronald Reagan sent MOI a personal letter tell that he, the President and Nancy, were sorry to hear of his illness and that he was in their prayers.

He allowed the local newspaper take his picture along side MOI with a massive bottled water container filled with years of collected pennies, to be donated to an AIDS cause, the bottle had close to $400.00 in pennies.

On the last trip to Hawaii, MOI shared a walk on the beach with John. It was important to know if John felt happy, felt pleased with how life had gone between us. John told MOI that he had no regrets and was proud that MOI was not going to die in the same way. He also told that he felt that he had lived a life most excellent and much of that was due to being a part of MOI's journey. Felt that stories told of far off places visited by MOI made him feel as if he was on every trip taken. He loved all of the people he met through MOI. "Rob, who else do we know that has the Mayor of San Francisco ring up?" Bit of a snob my John was..........John told that he would always be with me and hoped that MOI would never forget how much he loved him.

They say that folks who are soon to die, hang on for special moments. John did that. He wanted to be alive for my 40th birthday. That was the one day he did not want to miss. John had arranged for flowers to be delivered and a massive balloon bouquet. There was also a small box given to MOI. It contained the antique silver ring with stone that MOI wears to this day.

On the day John died, MOI was there. Sitting by his side, holding his hand, MOI watched him depart this life. There was no struggle to hold on, John was a peace and his face showed it.

Many years have passed since John died. MOI has grown old, wiser even. John has never been far from his mind, he is with each and every day, would have it no other way. The many gifts received from John have never been forgot, or the lesson learned from him.

My dears, my life has a few defining moments, but the time blessed to have shared with John is the strongest example of how MOI grew as a person. John taught MOI that money is not the end all in life. There is no coffin built that allows you to shovel it into along with the things one collects. We enter this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. John taught MOI to give to others, to try and treat each and every person met with honour. John taught MOI to believe in self, to fight for that was right, even if others did not agree with. To be true to one's self. John taught MOI to love GOD, and to follow his faith. John made MOI promise to LIVE, to get over grief and go about building a life without him. There was so very much John gave and one wonders if he truly knew how MOI felt of him.

To my mind, John was the best of people. He never harmed anyone, tried to not think ill of anyone, and forgave everyone. Some might be tempted to feel that John wore rose-coloured- glasses. Trust me John knew, he just wanted not going to let the dirt in life land on him. On a visit to the home of one of his closest mates, MOI had to use the loo, and MOI being MOI, opened the medicine cabinet to peek inside. There on the shelf were bottles of medicine folks took to fight AIDS. MOI told John of this. John got very quiet, and his face showed the pain he felt at hearing this news. This person was the closest friend to and John had thought that they were so close that they would share everything with each other. John was gutted. We never went to visit this person again, and John refused all calls from, so hurt was he that his very best friend did not feel comfy enough to tell that they both were in the same boat. John could have used that support. Hurt as John was, he made MOI promise that if this person came to his memorial service, he would have a place of honour and MOI was to tell him that John loved him and was waiting to meet again.

John gave MOI the courage to keep going. There were a few mis-steps but in the end, firm footing was found and MOI lives on. There is not a day that MOI looks to memory of John and hopes that he continues to be proud of MOI. John made MOI a better person for having known him and in no small measure is John responsible for leading to the light and never, ever, losing sight of what is truly important.

In a diary kept from those days, MOI found this item he wrote:


...............have no idea what to do, everything has turned to shit. What about ME!!!!! Who is going to be there for me............it hurts so bad that I just want to die....get it over with.........there is no point............fuck you, John............you left me like everybody else........

Loss made MOI mad, grief was so much to bear. Poor MOI! Funny, however hateful that entry was, none of it was true. Time has healed MOI and he has come to see that John had it right all along. MOI will never be alone.

Folks who asked MOI to peel back the onion may well rue having made the request. Does MOI care if folks get a different view of MOI? Only to the degree that it might allow folks see how MOI came to be MOI. Coming to the end of the post, MOI is pleased to have shared John with you..............think he would be pleased as well.

CHANGE

Truth be told, I am as guilty as the next man when it comes to NOT making changes.  The old is tried and true and one knows what to expect.  More's the pity that...

Change is a good thing.  Took a lifetime to get it right, but I always was a quick study.

The biggest single problem in me life was my feeling sorry for meself.  Playing the victim suited me.

Right, so I got shat on.  Who has not?  Change is hard.  Change does bring improvement, not as swiftly as one would like, but improvement nevertheless.

I wish I could report that I am perfect.  I still harbour ill feelings toward my birth mother.  I still resent my half brother and sister.  The hate is gone but the bad taste in me mouth refuses to go away.

I appreciate all of the lovely people who are in my life.  I take no one for granted.

Daily, I face each and every day with a positive attitude.  Right proud I am of the weight loss and the coping with going deaf.  Daily I sail forth from my home and seek out adventure.  New people.

RAINBOWS WORK MAGIC

It may not always work out that I hit the mark with me posts.  Matters not, I try to face each and every day with a positive attitude.  Tragic only plays well in the theatre and who needs to start the day on a downer?

I must fess up to the fact that it makes me day to get mail from folks telling that I brought a smile to face in the morning.  With some it is a real belly laugh and with others it is a forced giggle...

If there is one thing learned in life, it is that clouds can be chased away.

KINDNESS

As is oft the case, I was in bed wondering what was going to be the theme of this morning's post.  Out of the blue came a single word., 'kindness'.....  Lovely word, is it not?

KINDNESS.  I am not talking about the silly kind.  I am talking about the random acts of kindness we have in us that make a difference in the live round us and in our own.

If you stop and think on it, bet there have been many, many you may have overlooked.

"No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves."

I know that I am the sum total of all of the kindness received.  Were it not for the many kindnesses received, this old geezer would have turned out quite differently.  Now an again, I have to stop meself and remember that.  It takes the bite out of me words and makes me strive to be a better person.  That is not to say that kindness is always well received.  Either be me, or the person I am trying to be kind to.  

I like to think I am a work in progress.  As time goes on, the 'kindness' in me will get stronger and stronger.  I hope I never forget that were it not for kindness received, me world would be very mean.

I was going to list acts of kindness.  Name folks.  That would be silly, would it not?  Do you not think that the people known to me, already know?

Funny thing about 'kindness', it makes you feel so damn good.

CATCH A DROP OF LIFE

Like the bird featured in the snap above, the old geezer tries to catch every precious drop of life from the faucet of Life.

Call me weird but I looked at the featured snap and it got me to thinking.  There be some that feel the old geezer thinks too much.

However hard or mean life has been at times, I always knew that LIFE renewed, that the waters of Life were not always muddied and the next offering just might be refreshing.  Just like the bird, the old geezer was willing to fly in close and catch that drop that made the flight to, all the more rewarding.

Of late, the old geezer has been catching lots of drops from the faucet of LIFE.  Each drop treasured.

What can I say?  I am on a real high of late...

"I HAVE A DREAM"

I will never be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, dine with presidents, rub shoulders with royalty or have a national holiday named after me.  I still have a dream.

I dream that America can be more perfect.  That drug dealers selling poison will be rounded up and made to learn a different trade.  That folks will come to senses and realize that 'poison' destroys all round, including themselves.  I dream so hard on this that even led a march against;

MARCHING in protest

The Fresno Bee
Originally published 2008-06-04
A group of about 10 people including neighbors, politicians and representatives of politicians marched through an alley between Calaveras Avenue and Glenn Avenue south of Belmont Avenue in central Fresno shortly after 5 p.m. Tuesday.
The group circled and repeated their route carrying signs and calling out to residents of the area encouraging them to turn against drugs.
Residents peered over fences at the sight, which included a headstone, a small casket and a man dressed as the Grim Reaper -- with marchers blowing the occasional whistle.
Rob DeFrees said he moved to the neighborhood a year ago and organized the protest march to combat the drug dealing, prostitution and gang activity he sees. Citing this as the first time for the march, DeFrees added, "We'll do this again if we have to."

Where lived at present may be not as bad, it still have a problem with too many lives being ruined by drug dealers.

I dream of living in a community where folks try to better selves.  That layabout scroungers are made to do something with lives.  That benefits cheats are reported and made to atone for their crimes against the public purse.  That children are promoted as our most valued resource, that their parents will do all possible to encourage them to be the best possible.

I dream of living in a community where folks treat one another with respect.  Where colour, religion, nationality and sexual orientation mean bugger all in how we treat one another.

Like Martin Luther King, Gandi, Lincoln and Mother Tereasa, I believe passionately;

"CHANGE THE WORLD IN ONE WAY, YOU CHANGE IT IN OTHER WAYS"

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.


I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
ROBERT FROST

The promise of Robert was vitiated by past and family. Both played an equal part in what happen. As if the whole community conspired to deliver the worst of the worst to the doorstep of. Mind, the whole world had passed judgment on Robert and it followed that many looking to be less than brilliant came to believe that he was the perfect person to do harm to.

Life is not a one trick act. What passes for normal one day could well be less than in the future. It is a constant changing experience and to deny that one had to adapt to, is right daft.

It is not enough to change behaviour, one must also break off relationships with folks who hold one back. However lovely they be, or regard held in, if there is to be improvement, one had to value the cost of that relationship, and move on if the cost is too great.

More's the pity that some known in life do not have the good grace to move on with their lives when it is clear that their actions are causing harm.

Never understood how a bad friend feels let down when the ax comes down and removes from a position of trust. OR refuses to learn how to do better. Seems quite natural for past friends to place blame on the friend who moves on and not selves. They refuse to move on and stay close to cause grief to, in hopes that more will join the campaign to sully the reputation of the past friend.

The old geezer may well not be the best friend,  there have been moments in the past when friendship was not as highly prized as it is now.  Many missed opportunities.

I like to think of self as a work in progress.  Quick learner.  Long gone are the dark periods when I beat up on meself.  Have long since learned that there be folks who think kindly toward and like having me round for a spell.

There was a great deal of anger felt toward some members of me family met late in life.  I went out of me way to let them know how I felt.  Along with the anger was blame placed on.  That was most unkind.  Truth be told, there is little doubt that the actions of me birth mother ruined more lives then mine.  They, like the old geezer, had to find their own places in the world, deal with own let downs.

I do not know the other children my mother had, have no clue what lives they live or what there hopes are.  They are no more a part of my life than I am of theirs.  I have created my own sort of family, made up of folks who have taken the time to discover who I am and what I am made up of.  They have shared the good times with me as well as been there during the rough patches.  You might well say that in the end I came upon the family I deserved.

My dears, the road taken never looked brighter.

'je ne sais quoi'

My dears, you will have to bear with this old geezer and his re-use of old snaps to flavour posts.  I am still without a private machine and have not downloaded the newer snaps taken this past months.

Of late me life has taken on a certain je ne sais quoi flavour and of the mind that it suits this old geezer rather well.  It would be a bit hard to define clearly the many events and folks that have played a role in my recent travels.  Travels that seem to never end, not so much the physical but of the mind and soul.  How is that for profound?

Recently met a fellow papist from Minnesota.  One tends to think most that live there as followers of Luther.  This chap is quite worldly and upon first meeting one would not credit with having an active involvement with the church.  It is always a pleasure to meet up with one who is quite happy to acknowledge his love of God and his church.  Not the flag waving sort of faith, more a quiet and sure feel for what he believes and practices on a daily basis.  In these hard times, what with so much negative press directed at the church, it is still a wonder that many do not give up on Holy Mother Church.

In a recent email exchange, the chap wondered why this old geezer was not a priest, or at least a deacon in the church.  It got me to wonder and thought I would explain self to him and to other readers who have wondered about this old geezer and his continued love of the church.

Avid readers of me blog will no doubt be 'au fait' with the abuse suffered by this old geezer in childhood.  That abuse was at the hands of priests and religious who were evil men poising as.

They say that the abused child can foster feelings toward the abuser.  That must have been my case when I contemplated entering the priesthood.  The thoughts did not last long, and truth be told, never truly thought meself as having a 'calling'.

Recent stories in the newspapers have highlighted the troubles in Archdiocese of Philadelphia.  The Archbishop has taken action, after the Grand Jury pushed him up against the wall.  It would seem that every effort is being made by the Archbishop to deal with charges against priests with every consideration for the rights of the priests named at fault.  More's the pity that the same consideration was not shown to the countless abused children.

I will tell true, it took many years to forgive my church and God for what had been done to me as a child.  Much was lost by the abuse, the least of which was the innocence of childhood.

That was then, this is now.

I still have flashbacks every time a story comes out with the headline "Philadelphia Paedophile Priests".

Getting back to the comments from the lovely chap met recently.  One does not tell all to a new 'friend', it was enough to share thoughts on the state of the church we both loved.  There was no way he could have known that his comments would get me to look more closely at the question.

I am not a perfect person.  I try to be the best I can be and to treat all met with kindness.  If my 'je ne sais quoi' led the chap to think me more holy than am, I am flattered.  Mind, I rather think that the chap met has a good idea of who he is and what matters most.  Rather brilliant that...

"flamboyant" MOI??

"Rob, you are flamboyant". So said a mate to MOI in a long chat we had yesterday. MOI is gutted, will have to take to his bed, he will, to recover the arrow shot through me heart................... Cue the violins, make ready the camera for my 'Camille'.


The dastardly wicked utterance came to be as he asked MOI to critique an article he was writing. A bit like asking Nero to describe the burning of Rome.

Flamboyant..........it is the same in French. The dictionary defines as; 'strikingly bold or brilliant, 'to flame' or 'attract attention'. It also says a lot of other bits, but we will get to them.......patient, you must be patient.......

To be true, MOI has a rather colourful style of writing, more to catch the attention of the reader. What purpose would be serve to bang out post in a dull manner? One has to hook the limited attention span from GO or all is lost.

It is the opinion of this old geezer, and one shared by many who read, that MOI writes much as he speaks. Were you to meet in person, you wold see that the written word is as one with the spoken. MOI is colourful 24/7. Mind, a bit too colourful for some.  Rather refreshing to meet lovely folks who are in on the colourful bit and run with it.  Not all are full of selves, and see the value of a giggle or two.


Let us get back to the matter at hand. Flamboyant.............

'Conspicuously dashing and colourful'................as in 'the flamboyant idol of international society', mmmmmmmmmm do so love that take. Mind, it can also bring to fore; 'bombastic', 'camp', 'chichi' and 'gassy'. MOI like to think of self as 'calm', ,modest', 'restrained' and 'tasteful'.

My dears, being 'au fait' with, you do know that MOI is having a giggle here.  MOI does go out of way to catch folks right off, and that would be, in the eyes of SOME, flamboyant. MOI likes to think of it as panache................but then he would.

$64,000.00 question. Do you think that if MOI had landed on the road lived and tried to be quiet in his effort to make the road brilliant, it would  come to pass?  I think not.

While there be some who will always be of the opinion that this old geezer is just a 'headline' grabber, there be others who know that the attention is not personal, just important to getting the message across.  Bloody hell, first clue that MOI was a bit much was to find a blog with name and a bleeden YOUTUBE channel.

Truth be told, matters not if some find this old geezer LOUD.  Being a bit hard of hearing, am prone to chat on the loud side and do tend to bang on a bit of matters that concern.  That will just have to be the way of it.

"Like the Cover of an Old Book"

"Like the Cover of an old Book, Its Contents torn out, And stript of its Lettering and Gilding, Lies here, Food for Worms. But the Work shall not be wholly lost: For it will, as he believ'd, appear once more, In a new & more perfect Edition, Corrected and Amended By the Author." Epitaph penned by Ben Franklin


My dears, this old geezer does not presume to be as clever as Dr. Franklin, but the words of do make this old geezer think.

We, each of us, is like the cover of a book. MOI took a neighbour out for breakfast the other day and our chat got MOI to think of how folks in Marysville mis-read the covers of so many book covers here. That be the road lived on and community a part of.

The road lived on, is like a 'used' book store. The road contains many brilliant reads, but due to being found a bit 'worn' in a shop not new, folks tend to discount the contents of the books found here.

My dears, how very sad that time has turned us all into 'comic' book readers. If the cover does not have a brilliant 'superhero' displayed, or loads of pictures, it is not bothered with. In such a rush we, be that we do not get comfy and settle in for a right good read that is to be found with our neighbours. What adventures are missed. What knowledge is lost.

Loads of metaphours today! Surely readers who are 'au fait' with MOI will catch the drift of this post.

"People have discover that they can fool the devil; but they can not fool the neighbors" Edgar Watson Howe

Might be a good time for folks to stop and listen to their neighbours, a bit might be learned. There is not a day gone by that MOI does not learn more about road lived on due to chatting with neighbours. The story told at times may not be entirely to liking, but it is one that is important.

Check out the many 'books' you have not read, am sure you will be gobsmacked at what has been missed.

GAYS BEAT UP ON PUTIN AND RUSSIA DURING THE OLYMPICS

Truth be told, Putin and his policies concerning gays in Russia are no different than the views held in other parts of the world.  More extreme and in you face but no different.

There have always been gay men and women in Russia, and we all know that some very 'gay' Russian artists were tolerated and even treated rather grandly.

The policies of society in America and Europe concerning homosexuals have changed over the years.  There is more acceptance but there is still a large part of the population that will never really accept the idea of homosexuals being equal in society.  That is just the way of it.

Any homosexual who is 'open' has to know deep down that there was always going to be a price to pay for being homosexual.  It is not easy.  The best that one can do is to try and live a life that allows 'straight' society to see that there is nothing to fear.

SALUTE TO A GOOD FRIEND

I suddenly realized that ... this man... this man...
No one every made me feel like someone
'Til him
Life was really nothing but a glum one
'Til him 
My existence bordered on the tragic
Always timid, never took a chance
Then I felt his magic
And my heart began to dance 
I was always frightened, fraught with worry...
'Til him
I was going nowhere in a hurry
'Til him
He filled up my empty life
Filled it to the brim
There could never ever be
Another one...like him 

And there is more.....

I like him, I really like him. 
Tear out my fingernails one by one, I like him! 
I don't have a very good reason, 
Since I've been with him, 
Cuckoo-nuts have been in season... 
But there's nothing I can do, 
Chop me up for onion stew, 
Still I'll yell to the sky 
Though I can't tell you why, 
That I like him! 

 I like him, I really like him. 
Pluck me naked as a scalded chicken, 
I like him! 
Don't ask me for why or wherefore, 
'Cause I don't have a single good 
"Because" or "therefore!" 
You can barbecue my nose. 
Make a giblet of my toes, 
Make me freeze, make me fry. 
Make me sigh, make me cry. 
Still I'll yell to the sky, 
Though I can't tell you why. 
That I like him

'I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL'

Early Monday morn, Jay, an out-reach worker for vets from IHS, came by the bus stop bench that James sleeps on.  His mission was to pick up James and take him to IHS and place him directly in contact with folks who are capable of finding solutions to problems faced by homeless vets.  The old geezer tagged along...

From the start, Jay tried to establish a rapore with James and that meant using a less formal form of address.

James got to meet several people who are in the business of trying to get vets off the street and into a more secure setting.  There was plenty of information giving out and there were options placed in front of James.

James listened to all and even gave out very personal insights as to why he might be in the situation he is in.

I listened very hard to what James had to say and came away from the trip to IHS with a better understanding of James and a better understanding of myself and my motives for wanting to better James' situation.  Truth be told, the whole experience made me face some basic truths about James and myself.

Like James, the old geezer carries 'baggage', some of which is very old and not likely to be thrown off.  The 'baggage' has to come define who I am.

James has a special relationship with another person, one that helps define him and gives him purpose to life.  Regardless of how strange the relationship might be, or how mean that relationship causes his life to be, that relationship is non-negotiable.  James is not prepared to break off ties.  The person is very important to James.

James' relationship with his friend made me think about the special relationship had with John so many years ago.  John, like James, was told over and over again that my being in the picture was not acceptable to his friends or family.  I was damaged goods.  My past was not one that suited a person like John.  John should cut me loose and be the better for it.  Like James, John felt that our relationship was non-negotiable.  I was a part of his life and that was just the way it was going to be.

There was nothing horrid about me, just the general 'unsuitability' of me.  I was not wealthy and was too loud in my purpose.  The causes promoted were not fashionable and truth is not always received well.

I had to confess to James that I was guilty of not listening to him in the past.  I refused to accept that James had the right to live his life in the manner he wanted and not as I viewed his living his life.  James is no fool, is well aware that his situation is mean and that it will remain so unless some things change.  James never asked me to push as hard as I did to get him off the street.  James never tried to work the system.

James knows himself rather well.  More to the point, James sees himself in the bright light of day and does not feel that he has to apologize for anything, least of of who he is.  James has taught me how to deal with life better.  Truth be told, every day James gives me the courage to face life fully and to not complain.

IHS and the folks who toil there are well meaning.  They have a plan, 'their plan', a plan that may not work for all but it is the only plan they have in play.  Jay and IHS have all of the answers for folks who fit the profile they are most 'au fait' with.  It works well, for some.  I understand well that James may well feel that what was offered, and there was much offered, is not 'right' for him.

Some years back, when this old geezer felt himself at the end of the road, totally without hope and little desire to carry on, he too made the trip to IHS and tried to get a helping hand through dark days.  It will remain forever remembered as one of the worst periods in life.  That the period only lasted for a few weeks, is due only to my coming to senses and realizing that it was 'I' who gave up on 'me', not the friends had.  Once the shame of being down and out was dealt with and talked openly about, there was a place for me to go to and my life would go on.  I thank God that IHS is not an option for me, nor would it ever be.

James is going through a hard patch due to health problems.  There is hope that his health will not get worse and that he will be able to do what he has always done, LIVE, on his terms and under his own steam.

Jay, the out-reach vet worker at IHS, kept reminding the old geezer that regardless of the rank reached or past brilliance of the life James had, he was no more special than any other vet that came in the door looking for help.  That may well be.

To me, James is bloody brilliant.  He punched his ticket in all the right spots during his journey through life.  I am in awe of all that he has given and achieved during his 40 odd years of service to America, be it in the military or as a park ranger.  James is very important.  I value my friendship with him and am in debt to him for helping me face life and the challenges faced with more courage than before.  James makes me a better person.

It is no chore to spend time with James.  I look forward to each morning.  I will still worry about his health.  I will still be bothered by his housing situation.

The answer to James and his situation was in front of my face all along.  I understand now that loving James as a friend has to come without judgement of his friend or the manner in which he lives his life.

I can do that...

WHY PANDER TO HOMELESS WHO DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE

No matter how clever the signs may be, giving cash to homeless beggars is just plain stupid.  Truth be told, the same applies to non-profits giving endless amounts of outreach to drug addicts, alcoholics and lazy people who take whatever is offered without any desire to better their situation.

There are any number of places that feed the homeless.  Noble idea, but how many of these homeless are truly 'hungry?  Does 'hunger' apply to individuals who get 318.00 in food stamps?  EBT receivers who sell their food stamps to buy alcohol, drugs or tobacco products?  How many starving people does one really see in the food lines?

Many of the homeless receive government benefits.  Cash.  Every month.  Is one really homeless if one makes the choice to not pay rent and use the cash received for drugs, alcohol or tobacco?

There are any number of non-profits in Hawaii who receive public monies to service the homeless.  The same pool of homeless are provided an endless stream of outreach effort by one non-profit organization after another.  Yet the number of homeless in Waikiki, Chinatown and Hawaii continues to grow.

The 'bright young things' in non-profits now want the public to believe that you can give housing to homeless folks without requiring any effort on the part of the receiver of such housing to change the behaviours that might place them in homelessness in the first place.

Call me cruel but I find it very hard to feel any sympathy for drug addicts or alcoholics who do not want to stop drinking or abusing drugs.  Better to do outreach to folks who really want to change their condition.

If it be true that most of the homeless are folks with mental problems, would we not be better served in providing better programmes to deal with mental illness?

Homelessness is not unique to Hawaii.  The homeless are to be found everywhere.   Truth be told there will always be homelessness.  Having a clever slogan that promises to end homelessness in ten years is not going to change that and is an out and out lie.

Mind, there are lots of 'bright young things' toiling away at a non-profit that need to fill out a resume or just make a living, and the public monies to be had seem to never end.  Guilt is a good way to keep the monies flowing.