'je ne sais quoi'

My dears, you will have to bear with this old geezer and his re-use of old snaps to flavour posts.  I am still without a private machine and have not downloaded the newer snaps taken this past months.

Of late me life has taken on a certain je ne sais quoi flavour and of the mind that it suits this old geezer rather well.  It would be a bit hard to define clearly the many events and folks that have played a role in my recent travels.  Travels that seem to never end, not so much the physical but of the mind and soul.  How is that for profound?

Recently met a fellow papist from Minnesota.  One tends to think most that live there as followers of Luther.  This chap is quite worldly and upon first meeting one would not credit with having an active involvement with the church.  It is always a pleasure to meet up with one who is quite happy to acknowledge his love of God and his church.  Not the flag waving sort of faith, more a quiet and sure feel for what he believes and practices on a daily basis.  In these hard times, what with so much negative press directed at the church, it is still a wonder that many do not give up on Holy Mother Church.

In a recent email exchange, the chap wondered why this old geezer was not a priest, or at least a deacon in the church.  It got me to wonder and thought I would explain self to him and to other readers who have wondered about this old geezer and his continued love of the church.

Avid readers of me blog will no doubt be 'au fait' with the abuse suffered by this old geezer in childhood.  That abuse was at the hands of priests and religious who were evil men poising as.

They say that the abused child can foster feelings toward the abuser.  That must have been my case when I contemplated entering the priesthood.  The thoughts did not last long, and truth be told, never truly thought meself as having a 'calling'.

Recent stories in the newspapers have highlighted the troubles in Archdiocese of Philadelphia.  The Archbishop has taken action, after the Grand Jury pushed him up against the wall.  It would seem that every effort is being made by the Archbishop to deal with charges against priests with every consideration for the rights of the priests named at fault.  More's the pity that the same consideration was not shown to the countless abused children.

I will tell true, it took many years to forgive my church and God for what had been done to me as a child.  Much was lost by the abuse, the least of which was the innocence of childhood.

That was then, this is now.

I still have flashbacks every time a story comes out with the headline "Philadelphia Paedophile Priests".

Getting back to the comments from the lovely chap met recently.  One does not tell all to a new 'friend', it was enough to share thoughts on the state of the church we both loved.  There was no way he could have known that his comments would get me to look more closely at the question.

I am not a perfect person.  I try to be the best I can be and to treat all met with kindness.  If my 'je ne sais quoi' led the chap to think me more holy than am, I am flattered.  Mind, I rather think that the chap met has a good idea of who he is and what matters most.  Rather brilliant that...

A CHRISTMAS TALE - 2013

Over the past several days I have watched multiple versions of the movie "A Christmas Carol".  There has been the 1935, the 1953 and the 1990's telling of what has to be the definitive Christmas story, penned by Charles Dickens in 1843.

You may well say that the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future have made quite a few visits.

I know that there are many who wish that the whole business of the holidays would just go away.  They would like nothing better than to wake up and find that they have missed it completely.  There are many known to who feel that the the buying of presents, for people not well liked, the putting up a tree and other decorations starts way too early and the endless din of Christmas music heard the whole day long is more that anyone should have to bear.  BAH HUMBUG.

To be true, the old geezer cannot look back at some Christmas seasons with undiluted pleasure.

My early memories of Christmas date back to the orphanage.  While there was a tree and bright lights and a few outings to mark the season, the whole experience was not entirely well received.  The nuns in charge had a knack for pulling donations out of the pockets of the well to do.  Putting small unwanted children on display was a sure way to tap into the guilt of folks.  The money poured in and presents received for 'the poor children' were locked away to be used as bribes in the future.  To say that Christmas was mean would be to put it mildly.

Then I met John and the true meaning of Christmas revealed itself to me.  How well I remember the first Christmas.  There was an enormous tree in the living room.  I had bought many strings of lights to put on and tree and was feeling in a most festive mood.   John pointed out to me that the lights bought were the sort that one placed on bushes and the such OUTSIDE of the house.  I knew that.  I wanted to make sure that when the tree had been lighted the light coming from the tree would blind you.  What a sight it was and to this day remains one of the special memories of Christmas.

There were many Christmas seasons spent with fond memory.  Christmas celebrated in many different parts of the world.  Christmas in Stockholm was special as were the ones had in Paris, Copenhagen, Amsterdam and London.  London, now there was Christmas remembered.  The whole English manner in celebrating the holiday appealed to me.

Hawaii is completely different to manner in which Christmas has been celebrated in the past.  It is hot and the sun shines all day and there is nothing remotely common with the memories of Christmas past connect to it.  There is however the spirit of ALOHA, a spirit that seems to get stronger during the Christmas season and just wraps you in warm blanket of love.  It is also the place John loved most and it is where John rests.

Christmas, for me, is a collection of past memories that fill me with hope and remind me of the love received and the many kindnesses received.  Christmas is a time I remember all of the people met during my walk through life.  People who have become a part of who I am.

Many years ago I received a little article cut from a newspaper.  It was inside a card received and has become a tradition of mine at this time of year.  I would like to keep that tradition going...

I have a list of folks I know all written in a book.
Every year at Christmas I go and take a look.
That is when I realize that these names are a part
Not of the book they are written in but of my heart
Each name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime
And in the meeting they have become the "rhythm of the rhyme"
While it sounds fantastic for me to add this claim
I really believe I am composed of each remembered name
While you may not be aware of any special link
Just meeting you has shaped my life more than you can think
Once you have met somebody the years cannot erase
The memory of a pleasant word or friendly face
So never think of my Christmas card is just a mere routine
of names upon a list, forgotten in between
For when I send a Christmas card that is addressed to you
It is because you are on the list of folks I am indebted to
You are a part of the total of many folks I have met
You happen to be one of those I prefer not to forget
Whether I have known you for many years or few
In some way you have had a part in shaping things I do
Every Christmas I realize anew
The biggest gift that life can give is meeting folks like you.

This time of year I remember so many.  Carol, the lovely lady who sent me the clipping.  Randy and Jack.  Anita, my 'aging hippie' friend who never gave up on her community.  Paul who was my friend and is sorely missed this Christmas.  Roy who allowed the old geezer to get some pretty good deals and will always be remembered as the person who helped me have the best Halloween ever.  Laura who shared so much of herself and has a heart as big as Texas.  Paul who has been a better friend that I deserve and reminds me that caring and sharing are just a natural part of his make-up.  The Big Kahuna who helped this old geezer through a rough patch and allowed me to celebrate his Christmas Eve with his family.  Ron who tries to act so mean most of the year and overcomes his mean nature to put on a Christmas Eve gathering for many folks who would not otherwise has a Christmas.  Ron who spends much of what he has little to give presents to all who come to his gathering.  Alan who pretends to hate Christmas and has more of the true meaning of Christmas in him that any I know.  Angie who married my brother and tries to create a family for him.  James who overlooks the faults of his friend and tries to makes sure that the spirit of Christmas is there for him, even if he does not appreciate.  Rocky who tries to keep the spirit.  The flood of faces and names is endless.  I have been blessed by so many and loved.

Truth be told there are folks not named but still very much a part of my memories this day.  If not today, they have been mentioned in the past and will be very much on my mind as I celebrate Christmas this year.

A special thanks to the dear old friend who sent me the snap of me when I was 24.  It touched me so much that I made sure to place a snap of me as I am today.  Odd how I still do not smile...

Like Scrooge, I will try to keep Christmas in my heart the whole of the year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS MY DEARS AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT...

CHRISTMAS CARD LIST

Robert as Santa - Christmas 2007

I have a list of folks I know all written in a book.
Every year at Christmas I go and take a look.
That is when I realize that these names are a part
Not of the book they are written in but of my heart
Each name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime
And in the meeting they have become the "rhythm of the rhyme"
While it sounds fantastic for me to add this claim
I really believe I am composed of each remembered name
While you may not be aware of any special link
Just meeting you has shaped my life more than you can think
Once you have met somebody the years cannot erase
The memory of a pleasant word or friendly face
So never think of my Christmas card is just a mere routine
of names upon a list, forgotten in between
For when I send a Christmas card that is addressed to you
It is because you are on the list of folks I am indebted to
You are a part of the total of many folks I have met
You happen to be one of those I prefer not to forget
Whether I have known you for many years or few
In some way you have had a part in shaping things I do
Every Christmas I realize anew
The biggest gift that life can give is meeting folks like you.

My dears, the above newspaper clipping was old when it was sent to MOI in a Christmas Card many years ago. It meant so much to MOI that it became a marker in my diary and it is seen almost daily. Some times it is just moved from page to page but at other times MOI reads it again and thinks of all of the lovely folks who have been a part of his life.

Many Christmas's have been enjoyed in the 60 odd years of life.  One of most remembered is last one spent with John, happy we were, even if we knew he would not be round for the next one.  There is a memorable one in Stockholm, and a few special ones in London.  Am very fond of the one spent in Hilo.  Then there is the one in Marysville, the one James and Chandra came into life.  Christmas makes MOI think back on the lovely times had with Paul.

This year, Ron is holding his annual Christmas Eve Party.  Ron ADORES Christmas, and loves to play Santa to all the folks known to.  May well be a Christmas to remember...

Many of you are 'au fait' with MOI sending E-Cards. Not a holiday or special event passes without a little something being sent to the folks who are special. A small number of folks write back and tell that they NEVER open the E-Cards, they are afraid that it will have a 'virus' but that does not stop MOI from sending them. Many know that it is just my way of letting all know they are thought of. MOI receives many as well and loves each and every one received.

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~Roy L. Smith

Wouldn't life be worth the living
Wouldn't dreams be coming true
If we kept the Christmas spirit
All the whole year through?
~Author Unknown

My dears, MOI made a promise to not fill these pages with tales of woe or grief this holiday season and will honour that. What will follow is the re-telling of Christmas 2008, or rather the days of Christmas 2008, and how the whole of these days makes Christmas the special season it is. Christmas is a blend of hope and unhappiness, and how both can mesh and still leave one with joy in the heart and the true Spirit of Christmas alive.

The orchestra has picked out a lovely tune to set the mood..............

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMD056C3IRs Do listen as you read.............

Last night as the sun set and the sky turned dark, the Christmas lights from the tree in my office were shining brightly for all on the road to see and enjoy. MOI had tied back the curtains and lifted the window blinds, offering a brilliant view of the warm glow of the tree that stood in the window.

MOI was reading mail on the computer and Paul was standing beside as MOI had received a touching story and wanted to share with him.
Suddenly,there was a loud crash, followed by a rather large brick that had been hurled through the window. With such force had it been thrown that it knocked over the Christmas tree, smashing ornaments, breaking limbs of tree, shattering the glass on a picture on wall and covering MOI and most of the room with shards of glass. Paul was standing quite near the the window and was able to catch a glimpse of a figure in the garden of the property next to office window, saw the person run into the house next door and slam the front security gate.

MOI called the coppers. Since neither MOI or Paul had been killed by the brick and while shaken were still very sound of body, so MOI dialed the non-emergency number for the coppers. The poor lady who takes the calls informed MOI that the coppers were ever so busy and it would be some time before they could come out to take a report.

Looking out the window it was very clear where the brick had come from and in what direction it had been cast from. The house next door had all of the lights off, even the lamp that comes on when there is movement out front. As if to confirm the winning aim, the lights all came back on and folks from the house next door came out to give a look about. In short order the lady who rents the property even showed up and stood in the garden looking up at the smashed window.

My legal angel tells me that the tale can be told so long as MOI tells what he knows to be true and does not try to name one who is not known to. That the lady can be talked about as she is part of the community and took it upon herself to have an open chat on the front garden that any on road could have heard. In short there is much MOI can say and not cross any line that defames a person or property that is not part of the event that happened to MOI on this occasion.

Neither MOI or Paul actually saw the person throw the brick through the window. Paul did see a person run into the house trying to hide face and enter the house next door. The hole in the window leaves no doubt where one had to be standing to hurl the brick. MOI managed the property for the Natal's and is 'au fait' with the bricks that are on that property, and where they sat in the garden, there is no doubt in my mind that the brick sitting on the floor next to MOI will match one from the garden next door. NO DOUBT!

Proving who hurled the brick is another matter and that is one that may never be solved. Since MOI was not killed by the brick and just damage to property was done, it is not a crime that the coppers will spend a great deal of time trying to solve. That is the way of it.

The lady who rents the property had much to say and wanted all of her followers to hear what she had to say. When MOI saw her looking up at the broken window, MOI told her that the coppers had been called and that a person from her 'room and board' was seen running into the property after the brick had been hurled.

"You did not see shit, how could you with the blinds down"; the lady told MOI. Point of fact the blinds were up and curtains tied back.

"You are nothing but a piece of shit, if you were to stop taking dicks up your ass and mind your own business, maybe people would not throw rocks through your windows". "You are nothing but a sick evil faggot that everybody wishes would leave the neighborhood".

My dears, however sad the events of last night are, there is a true Christmas tale here and MOI hopes that you will keep reading to see it unfold.

It was MOI who got the owners to rent to the lady with the 'room and board', knowing full well that the 'clients' required special care and watching. The lady promised that she would do that, even go so far as to say that drugs and alcohol were taboo in her 'room and board' operations. It was MOI who begged the owners to give small Christmas presents to the 'clients' last Christmas.  It was MOI who provided a very large holiday pie to the house, and made sure that a small boy got presents for Christmas. Over and over the old geezer kept the Spirit of Christmas in his heart and made sure that the lady had everything she required to help her 'clients'.

The lovely gentlemen in the orchestra are telling MOI they have another tune to play for you........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVylexEGY-A Give it a listen to.............

'A Home', the wish of each and every 'uncovered' and mentally ill person in Fresno. That is what the old geezer believes.

"I hear that in many places something has happened to Christmas; that it is changing from a time of merriment and carefree gaiety to a holiday which is filled with tedium; that many people dread the day and the obligation to give Christmas presents is a nightmare to weary, bored souls; that the children of enlightened parents no longer believe in Santa Claus; that all in all, the effort to be happy and have pleasure makes many honest hearts grow dark with despair instead of beaming with good will and cheerfulness." ~Julia Peterkin, A Plantation Christmas, 1934
Christmas 2008 will be a hard time for many folks on the road lived on. There is no cash and single mums and poor families are not able to have a tree and there will be no presents. For some there will be no holiday meal. Many of the children on the road will never see Father Christmas, or even believe that he is real.

MOI has had much given to in life and MOI will don his Father Christmas costume and walk up and down the road and try to have some small treat for every little boy or girl who wants to come out and meet Father Christmas. That is what Christmas means to MOI.

The orchestra is full of Christmas and they want to play more..........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0SWPnryXl8

That there was love in the world would be so grand and MOI knows that however horrid the things said of MOI are, MOI knows in his heart who he is and what he believes.

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
My dears, it is Christmas........................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCM1MXtMtFk

My dears, the window will be repaired, some sort of lights will be placed in window in office, the poor tree might be able to be fixed, the picture can be fixed, the special ornaments will be replaced in time with new ones, and the crystal figures on desk will be remember if not enjoyed anymore. MOI leaves you with a quote that sums up MOI perfectly.........

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~Charles Dickens