Of late my conversations with my dear friend James are beginning to sound a bit like 'the never ending story'. And what a tale of woe it is.
You who be 'au fait' with me blog will know that James is one held in high regard. There is much to admire about James.
James is all about honour. James gave his whole life in service to his country, first as serving member of the armed forces and then as a park ranger. 40 years of 'duty,honour,country'.
It is a puzzlement to MOI that James refuses to let go of someone in his life that is causing him much grief. Without a doubt, it is a relationship that defies all the laws of nature.
Years ago, James took under his wing a younger chap. James was of the opinion that if he showered this chap with love and understanding, he could change the course of his life. The problem with that, is that in order for change to take place, the other person has to want to change.
Mickey, the younger chap, has problems. Mickey is an alcoholic, abuser of drugs, abuser of people and just an all around 'shit'. Mickey loves to blame his problems on his family. Lord be praised if Mickey would ever place the blame on self. To be sure, Mickey has mental issues. Who else would drink anti-freeze to try and kill self.
For some seven years, James has tried to make a difference in the young chap's life. At a great cost. James provides Mickey with all of the things that make his life comfy. Mickey smokes, two packets a day. In Hawaii that is some $25.00 a day. Mickey drinks and James has always provided him with the means to get his drink. Did I mention that Mickey abuses drugs? James has provided Mickey with the means to supply himself with drugs. In short, there is nothing that Mickey needed that James did not give him. Even if it meant that James would do without.
When I first met James, I found him sleeping on a bench at the bus stop. Every morning I would come down and make sure James had a hot cup of coffee. Over time, we became friends. I cared so much that I wrote about James and his situation and tried to get him help. The part of James I did not know was that he had retirement income. A good retirement income. So good that if it were not for the constant drain of funds by Mickey, James would enjoy a rather good life.
Some years back, long before I met James, I came upon Mickey sitting on the pavement in Waikiki, begging for a meal. Taking pity on the young beggar, I took him to breakfast. Sitting across from me, Mickey batted his eyes and tried to play the 'gay' card. Gave me that look that said his favours could be had for a little cash. Little did Mickey know that this old geezer had long given up on on sex. Mickey could not believe that I had bought him a meal out of pity, nothing more.
Truth be told, Mickey is no "David Beckham' in the looks department. Years of drug use had turned his mouth of teeth into a sea of decay. Bad teeth are a turn off, as is dirt and a manner of dress that is a cross between a girl and a boy.
Mickey is a total contradiction. He is a guy. A guy who parades round town in women's clothing. Can you imagine a guy wearing a bra over a chest of chest hair? Mind it is shaved from time to time, but not oft enough to hide that fact that there is much hair there.
James is back in hospital. The stress of Mickey and not having a place to live has caused old problems to flair up again. I know that James is in hospital, he rang me up. Rang me up to tell me that Mickey was sleeping in the chair in his room. Mickey, the young chap who had caused James to rent a flat, so as to provide Mickey and his evil friends a place to hang out. A flat that did not have the rent paid and was going to be taken away. James being James, came up with the rent, only to be told that there was no place for him......
As much as I care for James, sometimes it becomes important to tell the truth, even if what is being said is not going to sit well. Over the past few days, I have allowed James to tell me his tales of woe. I spared no words in telling James that the time has come for him to think of self and remove this younger person from his life. However much James wants to protect Mickey, he can not protect Mickey from himself. Some folks simple can not be saved. Time for Mickey to take care of self.
I believe that James has been wrong in his attitude toward Mickey. James has enabled Mickey. Truth be told, it sort of shocks me. James is not a drinker, does not do drugs and does not smoke. Yet, he has provided all of the tools to Mickey to continue to do harm to self and others.
James calls this 'love'. If this be love I will take hate any day of the week.
James says he is repulsed by Mickey's manner of dress. That he does not approve of drug use and abuse of alcohol. But that does not stop him from providing Mickey with the tools to destroy himself.
You may well ask what do I know of love. Good question.
Having been lucky enough to receive the love of a person who tried to protect me from the world and to wash away the lack of love in the past, I know a thing or two. Love is different things to different people. To some, it that that bone crushing passion. To others it is the warmth of a mother or a father. I like to think that love is best when you give to another without the expectation that you will get something in return. Love also means that there are time you have to tell true when things are wrong. I am clever enough to know that 'love means never having to say you are sorry', is pure rubbish.
Rather think that James is looking for 'love' in all of the wrong places.
James likes to think that Mickey will change. Why would he change when he gets away with his conduct with price to pay for it. Mickey learned ages ago that he had the ability to manipulate James into doing whatever he wanted. When Mickey trashed James' apartment, his car and his life, and still could come back again and again to get rewards, he knew he was in.
I worry about James, but I am not going to continue to make self sick with worry over a situation that is never going to change.
Truth be told, I would rather tell true, than stand by and allow another person to feel that no one cares. James uses me to vent. I know this. Rather think he wants to hear what I have to say, even if he is never going to change his ways.
After hearing the latest tales of woe from James, I was sick to my stomach. Like a true friend, I told James just how I viewed his situation. I pulled no punches.
I told James that he needed to separate himself from Mickey. Let Mickey fend from himself. I know in my heart of hearts that my words are not going to be listened to. More's the pity that....
Call me a mean person, but there are times I wish that Mickey had died when he drank the anti-freeze. Better that he depleted the population by one and allowed another person to live.
James is my friend. I do bend over backwards for a friend. No doubt, you can well tell that Mickey is no friend...
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