LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

Life is not fair.  The skies are not always cloud free. There is no 'free' lunch.  There are falls along the path of life.  There is loss and pain in life.  BUT...

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.  Beats the alternative by a long shot.

Walking yesterday, I was in a most reflective mood, and the mood continued as I walked, sat, walked and sat.  Right good think on MOI had.

Brick by brick, MOI is rebuilding his 'house', been a few complete re-models in me day, but this one has to last longer than the hip replacement...

There is a lot to be said for allowing a good mate throw buckets of truth at. Takes even more to know that much of what is said is done in kindness and not meanness.  Always knew in me heart of hearts that such a good mate was to be found in Alan.  There be some who would think that Alan and the old geezer are like chalk and cheese,  the ones who feel that do not really know either of us.  Completely different, to be sure, but good hearts...

Given all of the drama of last year, MOI had learned to play the role of broken down old man well.  Right, so the hearing is shot and the leg a bit lame, but that did not mean that the grave was upon.  There have been a few times when it might well have been welcomed, but that seems to have gone.  What is left is a renewed interest in the 'land of the living'.  MOI wants very much to continue to hear the stories round and enjoy being an active part of life, even if it is limited a bit.

How do you place a value on the gift of friendship received?  A friendship that has not always been equal?

There have been three people who has witnessed the rise and fall of me fortunes.  Three good mates who never turned back on.  Always were there when a shoulder was required to cry on.  Some longer than others but in the end each took the old geezer to bosom and held close throughout good times and bad.  Each hoped that MOI would 'pull it together', buck up and carry on.

Rather think I have been extraordinarily lucky...

SMILES

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. ~Author Unknown

ALOHA

CATCH A DROP OF LIFE

Like the bird featured in the snap above, the old geezer tries to catch every precious drop of life from the faucet of Life.

Call me weird but I looked at the featured snap and it got me to thinking.  There be some that feel the old geezer thinks too much.

However hard or mean life has been at times, I always knew that LIFE renewed, that the waters of Life were not always muddied and the next offering just might be refreshing.  Just like the bird, the old geezer was willing to fly in close and catch that drop that made the flight to, all the more rewarding.

Of late, the old geezer has been catching lots of drops from the faucet of LIFE.  Each drop treasured.

What can I say?  I am on a real high of late...

ANGEL OF DEATH WILL COME SOON ENOUGH

In Roman Catholicism, the archangel Michael is viewed as the good Angel of Death (as opposed to Samael, the evil Angel of Death), carrying the souls of the deceased to Heaven. There, he balances them in his scales (one of his symbols). He is said to give the dying souls the chance to redeem themselves before passing as well. In Mexico, a popular folk-Catholic belief regards the Angel of Death as a saint, known as Santa Muerte, but this local cultus is not acknowledged by the Church.


This old geezer went to hospital some years back to have major surgery.  Having bad bones, it was time to have hip replaced as well as part of one leg bone.  Nasty business.  I arrived at hospital day of surgery(that is how they do it, you walk in, they carry you out), was made ready and was taken to the operation theatre.

I am a Roman Catholic and had made plans to have a priest come and give Sacrament of the Sick before going under the knife.  The good father was late and the doctors were quite keen to get started.  I made them wait until I had seen me priest.  That done, I made sure that all was ready, as any operation is serious business.

I had placed a NO CODE on medical chart, in case something was to go wrong.  I did not want any heroics done to save me life.  I was ready to go.

After surgery, I was taken to a ward to watch as I was in very much pain.  The staff at hospital gave me a large dose of morphine.  Being one who does not take drugs, I re-acted badly to the large dose.  I am told that it was very clear that I was going to die.  The hospital got my mate who had my 'power of attorney' on line and told that I was too young to die, and they knew how to correct what was happening.  My mate allowed them to save my life.  I found out all of this later in hospital room when all came to tell what had happened.  I was pissed, to tell true.  I was ready to go.  Not believing in suicide, I had to continue living.

The Angel of Death did not collect me, he just smiled and reminded me that he could return at any time.  I saw him as a friend and made self promise that the time given would be put to good use.  That is when I started being more of a community activist.  I already was, just went to the max with it and made it me life's work.

You may well be asking what all of the above has to do with the here and now.  If you allow me to proceed in me wordy fashion, I will tell...

There is a lovely chap living who is coming to the end of his days.  The battle with cancer has been a long and hard fought one.  He has out-lived the time the doctors had told he had left by many months.  He has got his affairs in order.  He has done all of things possible to make his passing comfortable, not just for himself, but all round.

In all of the time I have known this lovely chap, his world has been the one viewed from the hospital bed in the living room of the flat.  He can see a bit of sky from bed, and with the front door open can hear the signs of life round him.  He has a massive telly to watch, and this past Christmas treated self to one of the fancy games to play with.  The sort that allows one to bowl and other things.  This old geezer even was got to play.  You could hear the pure joy in his voice at all of the folks having fun at his bedside.

My dears, do you have any idea how hard it is to be confined to a hospital bed month after month?  To have others do all things for you?

Were I the lovely chap, I do not think I could handle it so well.  I would pull an Oscar Wilde and quote; "Either the wallpaper goes or I do."

Sadly, some of the folks who pay a visit to the lovely man are not very nice.  They come and fill the air with tales of the woes in their lives.  I can not pay rent.  I have no cash.  I have no food.  I am being forced to move.  Woe is me.  They turn the living room of the poor chat into the Wailing Wall.  Bit hard to get round in there what with all of the folks hanging from crosses.

I told folks that it was horrid that they carry on like this.  Here is a man soon to die and he does it with grace and dignity.  How dare they burden him with the petty concerns they have.  Show a little class in visiting.

This old geezer worked as a volunteer in the beginning of the AIDS plague.  Did hospice for many.  Saw that death is not greeted by all in the same manner.  Some are angry.  Some fight and curse.  A few are afraid of what awaits them.

Then there are the folks who face death with a smile.  They would rather go on living but it is time.  They have nothing to fear and they have made sure that all is made ready for the visit from the Angel of Death.  Many is the time I sat holding hands as Death came and saw the wondrous smile on faces of  the newly departed.

I do not know what come after death.  I do know that having seen many die, it must not be a horrid place.  There are too many smiles.  Like the lovely chap down the road from me, I will greet the Angel of Death as a friend, I will not fight but go quietly to what happens next.

LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING

My dears, do you stop and ponder "Love" from time to time?
Hang on, before you roll eyes and cluck tongues, give it a think on. I did, just the other day.
I was chatting with a new person met and was asked if I would ever allow self to 'love' again. Had to think on that a bit, I did.
Over two decades ago, the love of me life died. I was gutted. It has taken many years to ease the pain of the parting. While I no longer drag a coffin round, there is not a day that passes that I do not remember what was lost.
Love was not something I gave into much in me life. Given the beginning of me life, it was natural for me to feel that 'love' was not something I knew much about or was likely to know intimately in the future. Very closed I was to the whole idea.
I came to love me dad late in life. It was a joy to find out that he had loved me and thought he had done well by me. My birth mother had other ideas and her actions caused me much pain.
Do not get me started on the 'love' shown to this old geezer as a wee lad by the catholic nuns entrusted with me care. Very doubtful they had a clue as to how to give a wee lad the love required to make his soul quiet.
I have been most fortunate. Twice in life, there was someone who 'loved' this old geezer unconditionally.
While 'open' to the idea of 'love', it is not something I go chasing down the road. If it finds me and hits me over the head, I will embrace it. Not completely daft am I. Just not going to set self up with 'great expectations' to be dashed by one who is out to get over on. Horrid it is to lie about affections. Truth be told, there be many who do.
Love does change everything. Spot on that is. I like to think that in many small ways MOI has tried to give more love than received. Why allow hate to rule. Far too much of that.
I do love. That pure kind of love we all are capable of giving. I love mates. Love the lovely ladies met local. Love the idea of living in small town America. Love country. Love God.
It is the physical love that escapes MOI. Always has. Mind, having been celibate for years, it does not bother, BUT, how grand it might be to know the shudder and roar of it. Right, the very idea of this old geezer having a shag is far too gross for many to grasp. Truth be told, it is for me as well.
Mind, feeling the earth move, and I do not mean an earthquake, would be a novel idea at me age.
Love. Do any of us truly understand how it works?

DO YOU SEE YOU IN LOOKING GLASS?

When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you a king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what THAT man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Who judgment upon you must pass;
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people may think you a straight-shootin' chum
And call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the ~an in the the glass is your friend .
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

Each morn, this old geezer looks into the looking glass and sees quite clearly who he be.

Passing years has taken much of the brilliance of youth away but have not washed away me inner
person.  That person, inside of me skin, is no stranger to MOI.  After much reflection, I am much pleased
with who stares back at in the wee hours of morn.  He is a keeper...

IT IS THE LIVING OF AND NOT THE LENGTH OF LIFE THAT MATTERS

Life is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have signaling and self-sustaining processes from those that do not, either because such functions have ceased , or else because they lack such functions and are classified as inanimate.

My dears, always remember that whatever lands on the pages of this blog are but the thoughts of this old geezer.  It is not the 'burning bush' and like most opinions, clearly open to folks tossing off as the rants of a mad diarist.  Am compelled to mention this, as from time to time the mail received from one of me post makes for interesting reading.  After the thought is tossed out there, many land on it and give me the piss for having put it down in print.

Having had a 'near death' experience, this old geezer is well aware of just how fragile the hold on life is.  In a tick it can be gone.  With loss of life comes the after, being worm food.

Truth be told, the life lived has not been with out challenges.  Come to think on, which life has not been without challenges?  Part of the journey requires one to pick up a little dirt along the path, even some cuts from a few falls.  The real thrill is picking one's self up and walking on.

Right, so I have beat up on a few souls of late.  Did it go unnoticed that this old geezer has received his share of knocks as well?  Mind, it many seem a little cheesey to tell the whole world of trials, but then that is what I do.  Share.

Being brassed off at the turn of events of late means that one has to vent.  This old geezer used this forum to do that.

Friends have been made, perhaps not so good of mates as one would like, but you learn to work with what life tosses at you.  With a little effort it was possible to get more folks to begin to enjoy their community and not hide inside flats and let life pass by.  That is a thrilling part of being able to reach out and touch others.  It is all about the touching...

Many will think me a quitter.  Cut and run when the cards do not fall where one would like.  Rubbish.

I have fought long and hard to make a difference.  Truth be told, a major difference has been achieved in a rather short time.  The difference in being a quitter and a realist is one knows when there is no point in fighting a battle that is not well supplied.   Am not keen on driving self into ground due to lack of support.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and for the past 5 months MOI has heard many a good intention come off the lips of one who should be fighting the hardest to save this patch of earth.  For some odd reason there always seems to be an excuse for not following through.


Que Sera, Sera,

Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Truth be told, lacking the gift of sight makes this old geezer stand in the queue and wait with the rest to see what will unfold.

"Like the Cover of an Old Book"

"Like the Cover of an old Book, Its Contents torn out, And stript of its Lettering and Gilding, Lies here, Food for Worms. But the Work shall not be wholly lost: For it will, as he believ'd, appear once more, In a new & more perfect Edition, Corrected and Amended By the Author." Epitaph penned by Ben Franklin


My dears, this old geezer does not presume to be as clever as Dr. Franklin, but the words of do make this old geezer think.

We, each of us, is like the cover of a book. MOI took a neighbour out for breakfast the other day and our chat got MOI to think of how folks in Marysville mis-read the covers of so many book covers here. That be the road lived on and community a part of.

The road lived on, is like a 'used' book store. The road contains many brilliant reads, but due to being found a bit 'worn' in a shop not new, folks tend to discount the contents of the books found here.

My dears, how very sad that time has turned us all into 'comic' book readers. If the cover does not have a brilliant 'superhero' displayed, or loads of pictures, it is not bothered with. In such a rush we, be that we do not get comfy and settle in for a right good read that is to be found with our neighbours. What adventures are missed. What knowledge is lost.

Loads of metaphours today! Surely readers who are 'au fait' with MOI will catch the drift of this post.

"People have discover that they can fool the devil; but they can not fool the neighbors" Edgar Watson Howe

Might be a good time for folks to stop and listen to their neighbours, a bit might be learned. There is not a day gone by that MOI does not learn more about road lived on due to chatting with neighbours. The story told at times may not be entirely to liking, but it is one that is important.

Check out the many 'books' you have not read, am sure you will be gobsmacked at what has been missed.

IS IT COLD FOR YOU???

Reports coming tell of COLD weather covering large parts of the USA today.  The poor bugger pictured more than like wishes he had booked a holiday in Hawaii...

 The clever chap pictured saved his tips from working the night shift at McDonalds and is ready to beat the cold snap in Florida

 Throw caution to the wind and leave the clothes bought at Walmart behind and go native today.

Best weather on the planet some say...

'I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL'

Early Monday morn, Jay, an out-reach worker for vets from IHS, came by the bus stop bench that James sleeps on.  His mission was to pick up James and take him to IHS and place him directly in contact with folks who are capable of finding solutions to problems faced by homeless vets.  The old geezer tagged along...

From the start, Jay tried to establish a rapore with James and that meant using a less formal form of address.

James got to meet several people who are in the business of trying to get vets off the street and into a more secure setting.  There was plenty of information giving out and there were options placed in front of James.

James listened to all and even gave out very personal insights as to why he might be in the situation he is in.

I listened very hard to what James had to say and came away from the trip to IHS with a better understanding of James and a better understanding of myself and my motives for wanting to better James' situation.  Truth be told, the whole experience made me face some basic truths about James and myself.

Like James, the old geezer carries 'baggage', some of which is very old and not likely to be thrown off.  The 'baggage' has to come define who I am.

James has a special relationship with another person, one that helps define him and gives him purpose to life.  Regardless of how strange the relationship might be, or how mean that relationship causes his life to be, that relationship is non-negotiable.  James is not prepared to break off ties.  The person is very important to James.

James' relationship with his friend made me think about the special relationship had with John so many years ago.  John, like James, was told over and over again that my being in the picture was not acceptable to his friends or family.  I was damaged goods.  My past was not one that suited a person like John.  John should cut me loose and be the better for it.  Like James, John felt that our relationship was non-negotiable.  I was a part of his life and that was just the way it was going to be.

There was nothing horrid about me, just the general 'unsuitability' of me.  I was not wealthy and was too loud in my purpose.  The causes promoted were not fashionable and truth is not always received well.

I had to confess to James that I was guilty of not listening to him in the past.  I refused to accept that James had the right to live his life in the manner he wanted and not as I viewed his living his life.  James is no fool, is well aware that his situation is mean and that it will remain so unless some things change.  James never asked me to push as hard as I did to get him off the street.  James never tried to work the system.

James knows himself rather well.  More to the point, James sees himself in the bright light of day and does not feel that he has to apologize for anything, least of of who he is.  James has taught me how to deal with life better.  Truth be told, every day James gives me the courage to face life fully and to not complain.

IHS and the folks who toil there are well meaning.  They have a plan, 'their plan', a plan that may not work for all but it is the only plan they have in play.  Jay and IHS have all of the answers for folks who fit the profile they are most 'au fait' with.  It works well, for some.  I understand well that James may well feel that what was offered, and there was much offered, is not 'right' for him.

Some years back, when this old geezer felt himself at the end of the road, totally without hope and little desire to carry on, he too made the trip to IHS and tried to get a helping hand through dark days.  It will remain forever remembered as one of the worst periods in life.  That the period only lasted for a few weeks, is due only to my coming to senses and realizing that it was 'I' who gave up on 'me', not the friends had.  Once the shame of being down and out was dealt with and talked openly about, there was a place for me to go to and my life would go on.  I thank God that IHS is not an option for me, nor would it ever be.

James is going through a hard patch due to health problems.  There is hope that his health will not get worse and that he will be able to do what he has always done, LIVE, on his terms and under his own steam.

Jay, the out-reach vet worker at IHS, kept reminding the old geezer that regardless of the rank reached or past brilliance of the life James had, he was no more special than any other vet that came in the door looking for help.  That may well be.

To me, James is bloody brilliant.  He punched his ticket in all the right spots during his journey through life.  I am in awe of all that he has given and achieved during his 40 odd years of service to America, be it in the military or as a park ranger.  James is very important.  I value my friendship with him and am in debt to him for helping me face life and the challenges faced with more courage than before.  James makes me a better person.

It is no chore to spend time with James.  I look forward to each morning.  I will still worry about his health.  I will still be bothered by his housing situation.

The answer to James and his situation was in front of my face all along.  I understand now that loving James as a friend has to come without judgement of his friend or the manner in which he lives his life.

I can do that...

LAURA IS A LOT OF ALOHA

Laura's Massive ALOHA

Did one ever doubt that the old geezer knew folks who were 'larger than life'???

The snap featured is of my lovely friend Laura, sister to another person known to.  To say that there is a story to tell would be putting it mildly.

I first met Laura some years back when she was in hospital fighting a nasty infection.  Laura is a massive woman and required a very large hospital bed.  Although she had been in hospital for some time, Laura was quick with a laugh and seemed delighted to have met another new person.  I remember we chatted for some time and then I left, not to come upon her for a number of years.

Waikiki is a small place and it was only a matter of time before I would run into Laura again.  Laura is a wee bit crazy when driving herself round in her mobility chair and it was at one of her brother's famous 'yard sales' that we re-connected.  Laura has lived in a small flat just blocks off the beach for years.

What started out as a kindly gester to visit one trapped in a mobility chair and living alone, turned into on-going visits that were a source of cheer to both Laura and me self.  Truth be told, Laura can be quite entertaining.  Laura is well read, surfs the Internet on her mobile daily and loves to watch reality shows on the telly.  Add a rather colourful life lived and you have endless hours of chin wagging to do.

The snap of Laura on the beach is a bit dated.  Laura is so much larger today.  At 4'10", Laura weighs in at near 400 pounds today.

The old geezer has had his problems with weight.  Bloody hell, at the largest, it was over 400 pounds for my frame as well.  Fat, for the old geezer, came late in life, but it was still a huge burden to carry.  When the lamp came on to take off the fat, it was over time and due in large part to a complete change in the way groceries are viewed. 

Truth be told, Laura's weight repulsed and frightened me.  So unsure of being able to keep the same thing from happening to me again.  I said some rather unkind things to Laura about her weight.

The odd thing about friendship is that it either overcomes the negative and grows into something beautiful of withers up and dies as a weed.  My ever growing friendship with Laura has allowed me to accept Laura just as Laura is.  Most of my willingness to see Laura is a positive light is due in no small measure to the sort of person Laura is.

Plagued by multiple health problems, Laura has still continued to find beauty in her world and to add love to it.

Laura took in a rabbit that no one wanted.  The old geezer thinks the rabbit looks evil, with one dead pink eye looking at one.  Laura loves the rabbit and cares not a fig that the rabbit is odd looking.  Laura took in a guenia pig that no one wanted.  Then there is FEBE, her rather large and very weird dog.  FEBE has a tail that wags so hard that when one is hit with it, it feels like whiplash.

Then there are the cats.  6 living in the flat and one male cat that wanders the neighbourhood feeding from one and all.  Did I not mention in the past that I loathe cats?

Laura plans her day round the needs of her pets.  Feeding, watering and cleaning up after is a very complicated process that takes hours of her day.  It is Laura's labour of love that she performs without complaint each and every day.  Laura loves her animals and in turn the love Laura unconditionally.

I adore Laura.  Like the old geezer, Laura is not without baggage, can be rather hard to take at times.  At the end of the day, Laura has a heart full of joy.  She still wants desperately to believe that folks have value, even the ones that have shat on her in the past.

Laura lives on a small social security check.  A good part of that small check goes to feed and care for her 'family'.

Laura is very clever.  She knows that the weight is not healthy.  Like I said, Laura loves her groceries.  So comfy am I with my ability to deal with food, is no longer bothers me that Laura eats more than required.  Some think of the old geezer as an enabler.  I do go to market and get food for Laura.  If I did not, someone else would.

Whatever faults Laura has, does not negate the fact that Laura is a very loving person and tons of fun to be with.  Truth be told, Laura keeps the old geezer so amused and depression is not a constant companion of late.

Laura's brother is having another one of his 'yard sales' today.  Rather think the old geezer will have to go and see of there are any items of clothing for Laura.  You never know what you will find.  Gobsmacked I have been in the past to come on items Laura was able to transform into a serviceable MU MU.

There you have it.  Another look into the world of Robert and the different sorts of people one meets in the walk through life...