WHAT DO YOU WEAR UNDER YOUR KILT???

Heartwarming to see wounded warriors with their personalities in tact.

MOI - N'EST-CE PAS?

The old geezer in Fancy Dress

Dear reader, the whole point of the journey to Oahu was to rest me lame leg.  When one has loads of time to sit, the idea of playing dress up comes to mind.

Wig Looks Like Mop head

Lacking anything regal, as in British, the old geezer thought he would look rather smart decked out in something French.  The Palace of Fontainebleau, must have been on mind, as I took to the 'french' look completely.

Life is So Hard

It did not take much to get the old geezer in Fancy Dress.

MOI is Over It...

Looking at the snaps, one has a giggle.  The old geezer comes off like Voltaire.   Flopped in a baroque chair, the old geezer comes off as a French Dandy.  Did you catch the umbrella?

One has to wonder how chaps tolerated the bother of a wig.  Was bleeden hot it was.

There you have it, proof that the old geezer can strike a pose...

YES, VIRGINIA, I AM CRUDE.

I get loads of suggestions from avid readers as to the sort of post I should do.  The lovely person who found this and sent it on, dared me to do something clever with it.

It is an established fact that I adore 'fart' humour.  It must be the Anglophile in me.  In the UK, 'farts' are oft used in comedy to get folks rolling round on the floor.  Personally, I think it is a riot.

I fart.  There I have laid claim to it.  I can not smell and mates do tell that my farts can clear out a ballpark.  Rather think that is a bit harsh on their part, but how would I know.

You do know what they say.  'Better to bear the shame than the pain...

WICKED SHINGLES HUMOUR SENT

 Of all of the jokes sent, this photo takes the prize.  I feel as if I should be wearing that suit and shouting UNCLEAN.  Mind a little ringing of a bell would be nice as well.

 Laughed at this as the rash is growing....

LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS

Made to feel like 'Mata Hara' I was...

Without a doubt, Ron AKA 'The Diva" is one of the most colourful personages ever met.  From the brilliant outfits, down to the shoes, there is nothing 'tame' about his appearance on the stage of life.  Being ever so colourful, he tends to draw a host of rather interesting folks his way.  Makes for most interesting people watching and very colourful slices of life.

Ron, like MOI has problems with hearing.  Tends to talk loudly on the mobile and is very easy to listen in on as he chats loudly with folks.

Being that so many stories are caught this way, it is no wonder that MOI would use them in chats with Ron.  Truth be told, with a few favoured others as well...

Knowing full well that one must be careful in what one tells, had thought that it was of no great import. 

May well be that the old geezer is going to have to stop putting that glass to the wall to hear it all.  Turn down the device.  Do not want 'The Diva' to feel put upon.

To hear Ron tell it, MOI never met a secret he could hold on to.  I never...

Torture MOI on the rack, rip finger nails out one by one, MOI would never reveal to the whole world that 'The Diva' has a frog tattooed on his bum....Never...

OLD GEEZER TRUTHS

Perks of Being an Old Geezer

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. OAP's have no cash.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.  Bit hard for clever clogs to provide loo time...
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 6 pm and ask, did I wake you?
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.  You really are falling apart...
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.  Barry Manalow is a God...
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.  Just your hearing...
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

Forward this to everyone you can remember right now!

And Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

SPARE ME FROM VITRIOLIC CRITICISM

Poison pen letters are usually composed and sent to upset the recipient.  They are purely malicious. They serve no real purpose other than to be mean.

Recently, this old geezer was the subject of such a letter.  Fancy that...

It had something to do with the old geezer being as horrid as the Great Plague that hit Europe in the Middle Ages.

Knowing full well that I am far from perfect, I take such critism of me character with the thoughts of the following quote;

 

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

'DEAR' Letters....

'Dear' letter

This old geezer adores cheeky email and recently received a most cheeky one from an avid reader.  One so loves 'dear' letters...

Dear Letters

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black?

WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada
 

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle


Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP


Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God


Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed


Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder


Dear Nickleback,
That's enough.
Sincerely, The World


Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely, United States


Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere


Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies


Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because
some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words.

You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I
was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just
saying...
Sincerely,
Google

SOMETHING GREEN TODAY

Mind, rumour has it that gays will be allowed to march in parade this year in New York.

Truth be told, there never were any snakes in Ireland.....

The old geezer tried to get in the spirit of the day......

Lastly, woke this morn to find that some weird person had used the loo in the night.......

MARDI GRAS

 It is the custom for ladies to flash tits and get beads........

Actually, in New Orleans, they even have men flash to get beads.  Truth be told, if this old geezer were to flash, doubt he would receive many beads.....

The snap of MOI is from Mardi Gras celebration held in San Diego in 2004.  Can you believe?  Note the hat AND the beads...

All I have to do now is come up with something to give up for LENT...

ANOTHER FART TALE

To hear some friends tell it, the old geezer has been known to clear a room with gas...

Truth be told, unless the gas is really pressing, not smelling makes it a bit hard to know.

I know, it must be a Brit thing, this love of "fart" humour, but it does give me the giggles.  Mind, it could be gas.............

THIS ONE IS FOR RON

I loathe cats......

May not snow in Honolulu, but it sure would be nice to chuck one of the evil cats out into the cold.  Personally know just how it feels for a ball of fur to poop on shoes, bed, clothes.  Mind, the nasty buggers are free with the pee as well.

Did I not tell that Ron has 7 pussies in his flat???  Talk about a hair ball...

READY FOR ME CLOSE UP...

Who is the handsome chap in this snap???  Hello....  Is MOI...

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE

TUNA CASSEROLE ALA 'THE DIVA'

Two things you need to know about Ron AKA 'The Diva'.  He fancies himself quite the 'Gordon Ramsey' and he loves his groceries.

The other night Ron informed the old geezer that he would teach MOI how to prepare his world famous Tuna Casserole.  Ron would instruct and MOI would do the work.  Another thing you need to know about Ron is that he does things in a very set manner,  his way or the highway...

The onions has to be sliced in exactly a certain manner, as did the celery.  Mind, the old geezer has been known to be in the kitchen from time to time and is no stranger to a knife or a pan.  Been told that MOI makes a brilliant cuppa and has got raves on his 'beans on toast'...

Loading the skillet with dices onions and celery, Ron prepared to add butter.  Did MOI mention that Ron never met a stick of butter he did not like?  If one stick is good, two is more better...

Next bow tie pasta was cooked up, two family size bags.  This was going to be one tuna casserole.  Along with the pasta, three tins of tuna were prepared, as well as a family size tin of mushroom soup.  All of the item were added to the skillet, to cook as the pasta was cooked up.

When all of the items were ready to add together, a massive pan was made ready for the items of the casserole.  To be true, more butter was used to coat the bottom and sides of the pan.

First in was a layer of pasta, followed by a layer of tuna mix, followed by a layer of shredded cheese, another layer of pasta and tuna mix, followed by yet another layer of shredded cheese.  There was a goodly amount of milk added.  All of the casserole was 'dusted' with pepper and topped by crushing a bag of crisps on top of.  For good measure large amounts of sour cream were scattered on top of the casserole.

The casserole was then placed into the oven to bake...

Truth be told, when the pan came out of the oven, it looked very inviting.  Taking a small portion, MOI tucked into it and must admit that while there was no taste, it did slide down rather nicely.  The crushed crisps on the top made for a rather crunchy texture.

Needless to say, Ron made enough casserole to feed an army, there is a huge amount of casserole left.  Seems MOI recall that Paul in Reno could not cook unless it was in large quantities.

Rumour has it that the old geezer is going to be making another dish quite soon.  If this keeps up, MOI will have to seek a place on Gordon Ramsey's 'Masterchef' programme.

JETSTAR MEET AND GREET

In truth, this old geezer has never had a 'inflight' experience with Jetstar.  All that MOI knows of the low cost airline comes from folks who have had the privilege.  Season travellers who are not shy with comments...

As recently as a few days back, MOI had a lovely chat with Kevin and Jennifer, OAP's who had just arrived from OZ via Jetstar. The lovely couple had splashed out on 'business class' but still looked as if they had been on a 'death march' when seen on the veranda of the Moana.  A 15 hour flight will do that.  Jennifer thought so little of the flight that she had not even taken the breakfast offered...

An email from The Big Kahuna told that plans had changed and he was arriving in Honolulu two days earlier.  When MOI read the email, there was not much more than an hour to get to the airport to do a meet and greet.

The Bus got to the international arrival area just before 8am and within minutes, The Big Kahuna was standing there with his carry-on luggage.

Looking a bit tired, the swollen eyelids from sleep deprivation were the size of donuts, The Big Kahuna was pretty much as remembered when last seen a year ago.  The Big Kahuna travels much and has it down pat.  Getting from the plane to arrival area took less than 10 minutes.

The Big Kahuna was between flights.  Having come in from OZ, he had to wait three hours before his connecting flight to Hilo.  Mind, he must love 'death march' flights as he was booked on a flight to Hilo that would take him via Maui.

These days there are no facilities to do a proper 'mmet and greet', without a boarding pass, the old geezer was limited to a chin wag in the car park area....  Truly....

The Big Kahuna, having a prized 'boarding pass', went into the terminal and got two large coffees and some porridge. 

Making selves comfy in the 'taxi' area, we sipped coffees and caught up on the latest events in each other's lives.  The Big Kahuna loathes to see self on blog, hence no snap, and is not too keen on reading about self either.  "Have to be careful what I say, it will wind up on the blog, and folks tend to read between the lines".  As if the old geezer would ever say anything unkind about the Big Kahuna.

Meeting up with a much liked friend, be it in a car park or whatever, is as if one has not been away from.  From first greet, we were off and running with the conversation.  The Big Kahuna always has interesting things happening to.  The three hours flew by and it was soon time to shake hands and another plane to be caught.  MOI was going to head back to Waikiki and see if the kettle was still on...

AMERICA'S WORST TATTOOS??

Ever thought of having a little 'INK' done on bod?  One must be ever so careful as it can come back to haunt...

Friendship does not last forever, and not everyone wins...

EAU DE VOITURE

MOI will have to run out and purchase this as gift for 'Youngest Roomie'.

The vehicle might not be new but 'Youngest Roomie' can splash on the fragrance and re-visit the trip to the dealership that made his purchase so special... 

THE OLD GEEZER IS ON THE MEND

Tuesday saw MOI return to ENT doctor for a follow up visit.  Doctor wanted to see if the ear was healing proper.  Using his tools of trade, the good doctor checked his handiwork and announced that he was pleased with the progress.

MOI is also right pleased.  Went on to tell the good doctor that all that could have been got from the operation seemed to be granted.  The infection was gone, as were the headaches.  Vertigo was less and the ringing in ears and swishing somewhat bearable.

When asked if the old geezer was going deaf, the good doctor reserved judgement.  Said he would answer that question in 6 months.  Actually, the old geezer already knows the answer.  Hearing device works less now than before the operation.  Hearing ability is way down.  Might not be totally deaf but it is not good.

The doctor told MOI that he is impressed with my lip-reading ability, and my ability to read faces.  Thinks I get on rather well.  As to what the future holds, who knows.  Bottom line is that the hearing is going.

MOI has to apologize the the lovely lady who does these cake creations.  They are real cakes and am told they are quite good.  MOI uses the pictures of to express a thought.

Groceries are still off.  Not much turned on to things that can not be tasted.  That explains the snap, food is not very appealing of late.

The good news is that in 6 weeks, the old geezer is down 2 stone in weight, that is 28 pounds.  This has to be the best diet ever tried.  Why eat rubbish if there is no enjoyment?

Just think, in no time, MOI will get to see his tackle.......

NO SLAVE TO FASHION

Never let it be said that 'Youngest Roomie' is a slave to fashion.  Recently, he returned from a road trip wearing a bright red t-shirt of the type featured in the snap.

This old geezer can be a bit behind the times.  Had no clue that 'Angry Birds' was a most popular Finnish Game to be played on applications.  Seems the birds seek out and launch attacks on pigs....

There is even an amusement park in Finland...

'Youngest Roomie' no doubt bought the t-shirt on sale.  He loves a bargain.  Was over the moon with t-shirt found, "All The Way With LBJ". Next year he will be able to snap up loads of OBAMA t-shirts...