BIRTHDAY THOUGHTS

Another way of looking at it is to think of how many cigarettes have been smoked...

Just think of how many nappies you have to use...

There will be many special birthday messages received from your admirers...

Putting it another way, just drink a massive cuppa and be wired for the events of the day...

FRIENDS DO HELP

Right, the snap is a bit of a giggle.  Or is it?

Truth be told, whilst friends have never helped me take a pee, they have helped me do so many thing in life that were far more important.  Is it not true for most?  How many times was a friend there for you when you needed it most?

Were it not for friends, who knows what would have happened to the old geezer.

DRESSING UP AND STEPPING OUT IN STYLE

Robert DeFrees steps out in style

You, who are 'au fait' with the old geezer need to cherish this moment.  When is the last time you have seen the old geezer dressed to the nines?  NEVER...

Last night was a special night.  A very dear friend suggested that I dress up to attend the Reno Philharmonic.  The tickets for this event were provided by another friend and it had been ever so long since an evening of music was enjoyed.  It had been a long time since I dressed up and thought it would be nice to show the 'locals' how one does these things...

With care the suit was picked, the shirt freshly pressed, shoed shined to a mirror finish and even a little rub down of the cane.  The only thing left to decide was the tie.

One has to give a great deal of thought to the tie.  It is that fashion statement that sets the whole outfit off.  I have a thing about ties.  They have to say something about 'MOI'...

The tie picked was an ITALIAN, hand painted, SUNFLOWER.  Blue background to set off the Sunflower.  Looking into the mirror when finished placing round me neck, I rather thought it was dashing.  Whimsical but dashing.  But then I would think that.

My dearest friend, Alan, had never seen me in such a state.  He was impressed.  Even commented on the tie.

We caught an early supper and arrived early enough at the Concert Hall to watch the other attendees arrive.  There were a few gentlemen who dressed for the night out but in the main, men and women in Reno simply do not dress up for these special moments.  Feel as if they are missing out on part of the fun.

Alan had dressed up as well and will have to change the mental image of him held.  Dapper he was, in a sort of Lutheran Minister sort of way.  Very somber, but in a dashing sort of way.  I will have to get him a better tie...

As I was standing in the lobby, waiting to find seat, quite a few folks commented on my dress.  Actually, it was the 'tie' that got folks chatting.  What can one say, it proved yet again my superior fashion sense.  Was there ever any doubt?????

The evening was a hit, on many levels.  If there was a downside, it was the lack of planning on the part of staff.  The hearing device offered was not working.  Would have if the batteries had been examined and changed before being offered.  Given that one was in the balcony and not likely to journey down to replace, the music was not as well received as it could have been.  Hearing devices only work so well and was so looking forward to having the proper device available.  Rather think that in a 'hearing world' it is not a big deal.  More's the pity that...

The snap says it all.  It was a grand evening.  I have a brilliant evening.  One will have to repeat the experience.  Soon...

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

Cicero, a famous Roman, had his own beliefs on friendship. Cicero believed that in order to have a true friendship with someone one must have complete honesty, truth and trust. Also, friends do things for each other without expectation of repayment. If a friend is about to do something wrong, one should not compromise one's morals. One should explain what is wrong about the action, and help one's friend understand what is right, because Cicero believed that ignorance is the cause of evil. Finally, friendships come to an end because one person in the friendship becomes evil.

Daily events of life oft times cause us to forget the really important things. Like remembering to let folks close to, know just how important they are. Truly.

Life is a gift from God, what we do with that 'gift is what matters.

Life is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have signaling and self-sustaining processes from those that do not, either because such functions have ceased , or else because they lack such functions and are classified as inanimate.

My dears, always remember that whatever lands on the pages of this blog are but the thoughts of this old geezer. It is not the 'burning bush' and like most opinions, clearly open to folks tossing off as the rants of a mad diarist. Am compelled to mention this as from time to time the mail received from one of me post makes for interesting reading. After the thought is tossed out there, many land on it and give me a piss for having put it down in print.

Having had a 'near death' experience, this old geezer is well aware of just how fragile the hold on life is. In a tick it can be gone. With loss of life comes the after, being worm food.

Truth be told, the life lived has not been with out challenges. Come to think on, which life has not been without challenges? Part of the journey requires one to pick up a little dirt along the path, even some cuts from a few falls. The real thrill is picking one's self up and walking on.

Right, did it go unnoticed that this old geezer has received his share of knocks as well? Mind, it man seem a little cheesy to tell the whole world of trials, but then that is what I do. Share.

'IT IS THE LIVING OF AND NOT THE LENGTH OF LIFE THAT MATTERS.'

Memories of early years are mixed, they seem to come out or order. I remember the first orphanage, the scene of my first serious abuse. It was there that a priest had his way with me. I could not have been more that 4, and remember very vividly him telling me that were I to tell anyone of the abuse, no one would believe it. It was a mixture of cruel rape and physical hitting to make sure that I knew who had the upper hand. I have often wondered how much the nuns might have known of what was going on. You must remember that nuns had the ability to read minds, or so it seemed, there was nothing they did not know.

I know that I was no the only one subjected to this and after a bit I ran away, forcing my being placed in another Catholic institution, this one run by Christian Brothers. I wish I could report that the abuse stopped but it did not, it continued, with older boys adding their abuse as well.

By the time I showed up at the last Catholic orphanage, I had been well used and all of my sexual tapes were ruined. I had no clue who I was or what 'normal' sex was. It was to remain that way for the rest of me life.

It was round the age of 10 that I knew that I was different...you bloody well know you are different when a picture of a gladiator in a Latin book gets you feeling all gooey. Remember writing letters telling all that I was homosexual. These were not well received and were chalked up to a child being very confused. It should have sounded the alarms but it did not. More's the pity that...

It is my opinion that I would have been bent regardless of how I had been brought up. Truly do believe that. I also believe that had I not been subjected to all of the abuse, my sexual tapes might have been better and I would have had a chance at having a normal sex life, of feeling differently about relationships and trust issues. The whole of my life has been horrid in that area, and there is nothing that could ever be done to correct the damage done.

I was made to believe that I was nothing...should have prayed to God daily that the Catholic Church had taken me in and provided me with life. I am thankful for the education received, am thankful for my personality being developed to know that I had to strive hard to be some one in this world. I am also very lucky that I learned that the devil was out there, in different sizes and shapes, and I knew how to spot. No one was going to do anything for a pretty little boy unless there was evil attached to it.

My beginning in life was horrid. I overcame much. I look round at the folks round me and wonder if they are luckier than I was. They had a home, attended school and are not locked up behind walls. But were they loved? Is it possible for folks who abuse drugs, sell drugs, abuse alcohol, or have become life long benefits cheats to be 'all that they can be'?

It is nothing to brag about, being raised in a series of orphanage, but there were some wondrous things that came out of it. I was taught the value of a good education and there were some events that stand out as being special. As a child I was sent away to summer camp in the summer. Got to ride horses, play in forest, and swim in lakes. I always got fed and there were clean clothes. Right odd that along with the abuse suffered, there were religious folks teaching values to....talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. I was thrown out into the world too early, 16 is not a good age to be set out in the world, I was completely unprepared. That will have to be a story for another day...

The biggest lie bought into most of life was that this old geezer had no value, was unwanted and unloved.

Have said before that I am the sum total of the experiences I have had the whole of me life. Many call me a prude, due to not liking bad language and not feeling comfortable with letting some things all hang out. I want to tell you a strange tale that might give you some idea of how my tapes were ruined, or coloured, by the good nuns in the institutions.

At the first orphanage, we had bath days, all of the boys put on bathing trunks and entered a large room that had rows of shower heads hanging from the roof of the room. At the very front of the room would be a nun, a woman, sitting in what can only be called a 'life guard chair', high enough so that she could see all of the boys in the shower room. She sat and watched as we bathed, making sure that we placed our hand into the bathing trunks to was the most dirty part. How sick is that? What did that do to me head?

At another place, the nuns sewed up the pockets to our trousers, to prevent boys from doing evil things with self. The good nuns would also queue up all of the boys on linen exchange days and one had to hold open underpants to show that there were no poo stains in them. Mind bed linen was also checked and if one was found to have pee on sheets, one was made to wear the sheet for days with a sign telling one and all what they had done.

I am not a perfect person, far from it, I just try to chase away all of the bad memories and replace them with good ones. Hence, the 'rose coloured glasses'. I wonder if that makes me a bad person?

My dears, you got far more of a 'Charles Dickens' type tale than planned and do hope that it was not so down that you will not return for other offerings. I can tell true that most of me stories are not nearly as dark.

Which brings this post full circle, back to FRIENDSHIP...

Truth be told, there are some pretty special people that deserve credit for giving me my 'will to live' back.  The old geezer has been much blessed.

Regular 'knees up' this post has been.  To be true, it is a wee bit moody.  I wanted desperately to put to rest the 'lie' bought into for so very long AND to acknowledge my undiluted pleasure in gifts of friendship received and what follows.

I have not always been the perfect 'friend'.  I have pushed away so many who would have been very good for me to have round in life.  However 'outgoing' I am, it is not entirely a true picture of me.  There is much kept private.  Friendship requires trusts.  I am not the most trusting person.

There are not a massive number of friends in life.  What friends there are seem to like me and accept me regardless of flaws.

PRESIDENT REAGAN 'TOUCHED' ME

Ronald Reagan

I want to always remember a President of the United States that I both admired and respected greatly.

During the time that Ronald Reagan was President of the United States there were many who thought him a simple man who was 'out to lunch' most of the time. Folks called him thick as a brick and out of touch with what was important in this country. The names called were not just reserved for him but spilled out onto his wife, Nancy. To many, President Reagan was an object of ridicule. Ronald Reagan was 'President of the United States' but many wanted to believe that he was not 'President of ALL of America'. That Ronald Reagan was just interested in that part of America he saw.

Long before Ronald Reagan died MOI would tell folks that when the time came for him to leave us, there would be a massive outpouring of love for him. MOI was right.

It is possible that MOI has been far more fortunate than most. In life I have had the opportunity to make contact with folks I reached out to. Ronald Reagan was one of these.

My long time companion died of AIDS. In 2014, it is hard to remember just how horrid it was to be known as a victim of AIDS. When John and MOI were told that John was going to die of AIDS, we did not hide that fact. John asked what we should do. MOI told him that we had an obligation to be open and honest, not to hide his illness. We told one and all.  It was important to know who one's true friends were.

Ronald Reagan was one of the folks we shared with. Moi wrote to President Reagan.  Can just see heads shaking and tongues clucking at the cheek of the old geezer.  Who writes to the President?  More important, who gets a reply? A personal touch?

Truth be told, the old geezer had met Ronald Reagan on several occasions.  True, they were fund raisers and there were loads of other folks in the room as well.  The old geezer was not a close personal friend to Mr. Reagan, but close enough to be on a list somewhere as one who he had met and had got support from.

In short order, a lovely letter came back from. The President was at his home in California and the letter was written from there. What touched my most was that he wrote that both he and Nancy was sad to hear that John was sick and going to die. That John was in their prayers and they sent their best wishes . Ronald Reagan took the time to remember.  Took the time to write a personal letter, one that John was over the moon to have received.

During the course of John's illness there were two more letters received.  One day a large envelope arrived from 'The White House'.  Inside was a beautiful photograph of the President and Mrs. Reagan, taken at Camp David.  The President and Mrs. Reagan wrote some lovely comments on the photograph and both signed.

Many in America want to believe that at a time when President Reagan could have done much for AIDS, he did nothing. That is not true. President Reagan did what he thought was right. He made sure that folks with AIDS received Social Security. He did many things that many will never remember. I will always remember that efforts to write to and draw attention to AIDS were always well received at the Reagan White House. At a time in my life, when I was very down, President Ronald Reagan and his wife reached out to and made me realize that not only John and myself mattered but were a part of the American family.

I rather think that President Reagan saw the best of America and never lost sight of that.

Many years later, AIDS is still here, folks are still getting infected and many will die. There will always be some who believe that no one cares.  That America let them down.  I am not one of those people.

Life is a very personal experience.  My feelings for President Reagan are not political, they are deeply personal.  Thoughts in recent days of John made me remember what was felt of Ronald Reagan and how kind he and his wife had been to us.

Journey is Pointless without Friends

Having journeyed far and wide, I have no doubt there is still dust to collect on shoes on journeys yet to come.

I hold two axioms on friendship to be quite right.

False friendship, like Ivy, decays and ruins the walls it embraces;
but true friendship gives new life and animation to the object it supports.

I think of self as a true friend, but am blessed to hold near friends who clearly
enrich me more.

They know who they be...

On the other hand, I must also fess up to another truth about friendship;

I have had, and may still, a thousand friends, as they are called, in life, who
are like one's partners in the waltz of this world...not much  remembered when the
ball is over...

If I hurt anyone with my callow actions, I do so profoundly apologize, to the one's who missed
me not, that is the way of it.

FRIENDSHIP

True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.

'I WANT TO BE ALONE'

Never let it be said that the old geezer does not 'get it' when it comes to the 'wanting to be alone' mood.

Spent a lifetime pushing folks away and running off some who dared to get too close.  I am an expert at killing off friendship.

Yesterday I experienced something that made me realize I had been too busy beating my own drum and hearing the tune coming from someone close to.  You might even say BFF.

Having gone to supper, we found ourselves parked outside my home.  The music was playing and I was enjoying chatting with me friend.  My friend saw it differently.

"Do you not think it strange that we are sitting in a parked vehicle?".  So uneasy was me friend that he suggested that we exit the vehicle and chat in the car park.  Like a bolt from above, it came to me what the real problem was.

"Intimacy" is a dirty word to my friend.  Truth be told, 'relationship' does not do much better.

I should have listened better to me friend in the past.  Were it up to him, a cave in the middle of nowhere, visited by no one, would be the perfect place.  Most of what my friend does on a daily basis is 'alone'.  Let me be clear, it is his choice.

There have been periods in my life that were dark and lonely.  I did everything in my power to keep people out of my life.  If you give nothing of yourself to others, they can never hurt you.  Truth be told, I never really wanted to be alone, just was so very afraid to let any one in.

I have let some in.  The periods spent sharing with someone else are some of the best periods of my life.  I do not do 'single' well.  I crave people in my life.  Tend to think I am best when I get out of meself and live life through different eyes.

I have been told that I come on too strong.  Quite right.  I am trying to make up for lost time.

I understand my friend perfectly.  I really do.

I also know how to shut people out completely.  I did that with my half brother and sister.  There was no room for me and I did not want to accept 'conditional' relationship.

However much I love my friend, he has the right to live on his own terms.  If being 'alone' suits him, why push for change.  That bench in the forest can be his alone.

There is a lot of love left in me and life is too short to offer it where it is not wanted.

Funny thing about life, one door closes and another one opens.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RON

It seems like only yesterday that Ron celebrated a birthday.  Today is another year for the old man.  73 years and still mean as ever...

Without a doubt, Ron is one of the more colourful people known.  That is without the loud outfits he wears and the rather 'pink' hat gifted last year.  Ron is so colourful, he is a rainbow unto self.

Ron and the old geezer go way back.  Ron knew MOI when the old geezer was young and pretty.  He reminds me of that oft.  That is OK.  The best part of growing old is that you always have folks reminding you how it was.

What a year it has been for Ron.  He lost his teeth and his heart is not as young as it once was.  Ron has gained and lost a bit of weight.  Ron has had good moments and bad moments.  But we will not dwell on the bad moments.

There have been times that I have wanted to stuff his pussies down his throat.  Ron can be a bit sharp tongued.  There have been times when I wanted to walk away and never hear the name Ron again.  I keep coming back because I have learned that Ron is really a good person at heart.  He means well even if he has a strange way of showing his like of a friend.

Ron thrives on having folks think of him as mean.  It would be easy to buy into that thinking if I had not seen a different side of.  There are the times I have seen him give food and cash to homeless, without any idea of being repaid.  Then there is the massive Christmas party he throws every year.  Ron invites everyone, even the folks he has done battle with.  Without exception, there is some sort of gift for one and all.

Truth be told, there have been a few shouting matches between Ron and meself.  I too, can be sharp tongued and am sure am quite capable of being mean.  The funny part of 'friendship', is that however mean it gets from time to time you keep coming back to what drew you to that person in the first place.  Ron has been there for the old geezer in bad times.  I always remember that.

The "Ron" I remember is the fun and silly "Ron".  When I had the flower shoppe cross the road from his building, Ron would lean out over the railing and ask if there were any deep discounts on the 'old' flowers.  Ron loved to buy bunches of flowers to place round his flat, and he loved to buy the leis that were discounted and give to folks he met during the day.  A Lei is a Lei, even if it was on discount...

I remember the best fancy dress outfit bought was from Ron.  He talked me into getting made up as the 'devil'....  He must have been on to something as it was a massive hit and I had the best time ever.

I remember the countless suppers shared and the long drive round the island.  Got to know Hawaii pretty well thanks to his tours of the 'hidden' neighbourhoods.

Like I said, there is much more to Ron than meets the eye.

This past Easter I created Easter Baskets for folks cared about.  I did this because I remember Ron taking a great deal of care and effort to create Easter Baskets last year.  Ron had coloured eggs and bought treats for the basket that were sure to be a hit to the individuals receiving.  It made quite an impression.

It is convenient for Ron to believe that no one cares or remembers his birthday.  What a lot of tosh.  Am quite sure that Laura will remember his special day as will others.

Ron has made a lasting impression on the old geezer.  So much so, that he has been in me thoughts much of late.  I do hope he has a wonderful birthday.  I do so hope that he appreciates the effort it was for me to find 'adult underpants' in his size.  I mean really.  Do you know how hard it is to find them in size 58???????

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RON, may you be around for another 73 years.....

JUST A THOUGHT

Truth be told, what could one want more?

UITWAAIEN

I know, there be some that think the old geezer is friendless.  I have more than one...

There is one friend.  A very dear friend.  After many sleepless night, I have found the perfect work to describe what it is that he does on a daily basis.  That would be the word of the day highlighted in this post.

You see, this very dear friend, well, he loves to take long walks in the mountains.  Not just short walks, but the kind that take hours to complete, and are so long that he has to carry a loo roll with and water...

Talk about walks off the beaten path.  Am told tales of being shot at, finding any number of spent bullets, weird things thrown out of vehicles and blown away cash.  So remote are the nature walks that he is not even within connecting distance of a tower to receive mobile calls.

Truth be told, this old geezer loves to walk, but it has to be in a setting where there are people to admire and buildings to look at.  Rather thought it was odd for my friend to pick a setting so desolate for his walks.

Then I came upon this word.  Says it all...

Mind, there must be something missing in the walks.  The head is not so clear and this dear friend is always walking in the 'wind' that I pass...

"Like the Cover of an Old Book"

"Like the Cover of an old Book, Its Contents torn out, And stript of its Lettering and Gilding, Lies here, Food for Worms. But the Work shall not be wholly lost: For it will, as he believ'd, appear once more, In a new & more perfect Edition, Corrected and Amended By the Author." Epitaph penned by Ben Franklin


My dears, this old geezer does not presume to be as clever as Dr. Franklin, but the words of do make this old geezer think.

We, each of us, is like the cover of a book. MOI took a neighbour out for breakfast the other day and our chat got MOI to think of how folks in Marysville mis-read the covers of so many book covers here. That be the road lived on and community a part of.

The road lived on, is like a 'used' book store. The road contains many brilliant reads, but due to being found a bit 'worn' in a shop not new, folks tend to discount the contents of the books found here.

My dears, how very sad that time has turned us all into 'comic' book readers. If the cover does not have a brilliant 'superhero' displayed, or loads of pictures, it is not bothered with. In such a rush we, be that we do not get comfy and settle in for a right good read that is to be found with our neighbours. What adventures are missed. What knowledge is lost.

Loads of metaphours today! Surely readers who are 'au fait' with MOI will catch the drift of this post.

"People have discover that they can fool the devil; but they can not fool the neighbors" Edgar Watson Howe

Might be a good time for folks to stop and listen to their neighbours, a bit might be learned. There is not a day gone by that MOI does not learn more about road lived on due to chatting with neighbours. The story told at times may not be entirely to liking, but it is one that is important.

Check out the many 'books' you have not read, am sure you will be gobsmacked at what has been missed.

TRUE FRIEND STABS YOU IN THE FRONT

MOI has always loathed folks who tell one story in front of a 'friend' and quite a different tale behind back.  One never knows where they stand, and they seem offended when found out.  Even this late in life, the old geezer makes mistakes in trusting some folks.

Friendship is not a life long love fest.  Like anything of value, a friendship has times when it is tested.  That is what makes it special.

How horrid it would be if one never voiced true feeling.  Does not mean that the friend has to agree, but be civil enough to hear one out.

This old geezer does not always get his way.  Truth be told, MOI can be quite stubborn at times. Just wish that true mates would understand that not liking something does not mean that it is a breaking point in a friendship.

Enough said...

'I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL'

Early Monday morn, Jay, an out-reach worker for vets from IHS, came by the bus stop bench that James sleeps on.  His mission was to pick up James and take him to IHS and place him directly in contact with folks who are capable of finding solutions to problems faced by homeless vets.  The old geezer tagged along...

From the start, Jay tried to establish a rapore with James and that meant using a less formal form of address.

James got to meet several people who are in the business of trying to get vets off the street and into a more secure setting.  There was plenty of information giving out and there were options placed in front of James.

James listened to all and even gave out very personal insights as to why he might be in the situation he is in.

I listened very hard to what James had to say and came away from the trip to IHS with a better understanding of James and a better understanding of myself and my motives for wanting to better James' situation.  Truth be told, the whole experience made me face some basic truths about James and myself.

Like James, the old geezer carries 'baggage', some of which is very old and not likely to be thrown off.  The 'baggage' has to come define who I am.

James has a special relationship with another person, one that helps define him and gives him purpose to life.  Regardless of how strange the relationship might be, or how mean that relationship causes his life to be, that relationship is non-negotiable.  James is not prepared to break off ties.  The person is very important to James.

James' relationship with his friend made me think about the special relationship had with John so many years ago.  John, like James, was told over and over again that my being in the picture was not acceptable to his friends or family.  I was damaged goods.  My past was not one that suited a person like John.  John should cut me loose and be the better for it.  Like James, John felt that our relationship was non-negotiable.  I was a part of his life and that was just the way it was going to be.

There was nothing horrid about me, just the general 'unsuitability' of me.  I was not wealthy and was too loud in my purpose.  The causes promoted were not fashionable and truth is not always received well.

I had to confess to James that I was guilty of not listening to him in the past.  I refused to accept that James had the right to live his life in the manner he wanted and not as I viewed his living his life.  James is no fool, is well aware that his situation is mean and that it will remain so unless some things change.  James never asked me to push as hard as I did to get him off the street.  James never tried to work the system.

James knows himself rather well.  More to the point, James sees himself in the bright light of day and does not feel that he has to apologize for anything, least of of who he is.  James has taught me how to deal with life better.  Truth be told, every day James gives me the courage to face life fully and to not complain.

IHS and the folks who toil there are well meaning.  They have a plan, 'their plan', a plan that may not work for all but it is the only plan they have in play.  Jay and IHS have all of the answers for folks who fit the profile they are most 'au fait' with.  It works well, for some.  I understand well that James may well feel that what was offered, and there was much offered, is not 'right' for him.

Some years back, when this old geezer felt himself at the end of the road, totally without hope and little desire to carry on, he too made the trip to IHS and tried to get a helping hand through dark days.  It will remain forever remembered as one of the worst periods in life.  That the period only lasted for a few weeks, is due only to my coming to senses and realizing that it was 'I' who gave up on 'me', not the friends had.  Once the shame of being down and out was dealt with and talked openly about, there was a place for me to go to and my life would go on.  I thank God that IHS is not an option for me, nor would it ever be.

James is going through a hard patch due to health problems.  There is hope that his health will not get worse and that he will be able to do what he has always done, LIVE, on his terms and under his own steam.

Jay, the out-reach vet worker at IHS, kept reminding the old geezer that regardless of the rank reached or past brilliance of the life James had, he was no more special than any other vet that came in the door looking for help.  That may well be.

To me, James is bloody brilliant.  He punched his ticket in all the right spots during his journey through life.  I am in awe of all that he has given and achieved during his 40 odd years of service to America, be it in the military or as a park ranger.  James is very important.  I value my friendship with him and am in debt to him for helping me face life and the challenges faced with more courage than before.  James makes me a better person.

It is no chore to spend time with James.  I look forward to each morning.  I will still worry about his health.  I will still be bothered by his housing situation.

The answer to James and his situation was in front of my face all along.  I understand now that loving James as a friend has to come without judgement of his friend or the manner in which he lives his life.

I can do that...

AMERICA'S WORST TATTOOS??

Ever thought of having a little 'INK' done on bod?  One must be ever so careful as it can come back to haunt...

Friendship does not last forever, and not everyone wins...

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE AN ENGLAND

My dears, there are times that emails and posted comments dictate the course me post will take for the day.  Last two days faithful readers from UK have been following the trials and tribulations of the old geezer in large numbers and feel obligated to chat about that.

The blog gets hits from all over America and Europe and some places that still gobsmacked the old geezer.  Given that the old geezer is right proud of his English roots, it warms me heart to have so many from across the pond do a peek in so oft.  This morn, checking me stats revealed that there were 33 from UK reading at that moment.   London to be sure, but there were hits from Manchester and Brighton as well.  Over the moon the old geezer is when so many take the time to peek in.  Mind, given time time difference, it must be a bit of a wind down for many.  Truth be told, there are times when the old geezer feels that the offering of the day is a wee bit like a stale biscuit.  I do tend to worry...

There are loads of questions asked of the old geezer and I shall try to answer many of them now.

In a few days, the old geezer will re-pack his Gladstone bag and head out for the small town near the Oregon border.  2000 souls live there joined by one, ME.  The offer to collect meself from a dear friend in his mountain retreat is an offer much appreciated.  Nothing grand, just a warm place out of the cold night air and full of ALOHA, coming from the concern and affection of the offer maker.  Sorry, some do not like the old geezer to bang on about in public, rather think you will know who the lovely chap be.

Do I miss the hostel and Hilo?  Too right you be if you guessed I did.   Circumstances conspired to make "Tea and Tidy" difficult, the stair were too much and getting use to the hearing device was annoying.  I miss me chats with Justin and Hilo Hattie.  When the old geezer was laid up they were ever so kind to.  I miss all of the lovely folks who came to visit the hostel and the different stories of the world heard on a daily basis.  I miss Albert and even miss Norman.  I miss Terry at the cafe and am knackered at hard feeling that seem to have come with another thought to be understand to me 'old geezer condition'.  Sadly, there be some who think the old geezer a wee bit too dramatic at times and present conditions of illness smack of the old geezer being an idle layabout.  That is the way of it.

I have made much of me feeling that I had no value, but the comments and emails tell me otherwise.  I am ever so touched by all of the love flowing my way.  Truly.

They tell the old geezer that the small town travelling to is lovely this time of year.  Month of August and September will be nice, there is no doubt.

Offers have come in for the old geezer to cross the pond and settle in UK.  One has to take all of the offers with much thought.  Crossing the pond at me age might well lead to me never returning to America and am not quite sure that is best at the moment.  I am considering and still need to work out how cash would hold up in a very dear place to live.  Mind, as one told, there is always a summer caravan in Brighton going unused.  Fish and chips on wheels...

Rather think that my not mentioning the name of the town going to is a bit trying for some.  No great secret, just do not have me travel brochures ready to lay on you.  Rather think I will do quite a chat up on when it is time.

The plan is for James and the family to load up the van and drive me to the new town.  They want to do a road trip and see the old geezer arrive safely.  There is always another day for the train.

I will keep all posted as to me progress.

WHAT IS A LIFE WORTH??

Robert - A puzzlement

 Dear Reader, you who be 'au fait' with, know that there is always a point when the gloves come off and the true 'sharing' flows across these pages.  That time has come again and the old geezer has much to share today with you.

I would suggest that you settle in with a nice cuppa and read.  Mind, the tale to tell will be wordy so one might have to read it all in several sittings.  That be OK, as the old geezer can always use the 'hits' to me blog...

Truth be told, LIFE for the old geezer has not felt worth the effort of late.  Medical worries added much stress and the well meaning email from a reader about the orphanage the old geezer grew up in did not lighten the stress,  added to, to be sure.  That is the way of it...

Readers know the old geezer to have PTSD, and the attack had did much to change me life of late.  The email sent opened memories of trauma felt in past and it felt like it was happening all over again in the here and now.  Flashbacks did me in and it did not help that the old geezer was coping with lame leg and loss of hearing at the same time.  Right, a regular trip round the 'pity pole'...

The 'Big Kahuna', "Hilo Hattie" and others much loved did all they could to help in hours of need but ti was not enough.  It was time for real hands on professional help.  I packed a small bag aid disappeared to the mainland.  Not to party but to get things all sorted out.

The old geezer went to hospital.  In London, hospital would be call the 'Priory', where Susan Boyle went when she had her famous melt-down.  "The Funny Farm"...

Two weeks of help and the old geezer was sorted out.  Or was he? 

Sort of, but it was time to put the pieces together and make some sense of what is to come in life.  Was living in Hilo the answer?  Was the hostel chat up of world travellers the answer?  Did the promise of the future lie on the mainland?  What was the old geezer to do?

My dears, the old geezer listens to the folks met in life.  Of late, the stories heard the loudest have been from the superior folks passed through the doors of the hostel, The Big Kahuna, Ron, Hilo Hattie, James and to be true, others who do not like to be mentioned publicly.  I forget little and remember long...

Robert - Work in Progress

Sorting out the stories, the old geezer asked self if he had 'value'.  Was there worth to the days to come.

For some time, MOI was not sure.  Doubt.   Is that the way of it from time to time in life?

There was a time when the old geezer thought he could save the world.  Or at least change it.  Truth be told, globally never, but on the small patch occupied certainly.  I can live with that.

Some thought was given to living in a small town in California.  Way up North.  For a spell that looked like the answer but have come to realize that it was for all of the wrong reasons.  I would have put someone much  cared for out too much and that is not right.  Last thing wanted is to cause worry.  Worry to the point of calling out the coppers ti find the old geezer and being listed as a 'missing person'.

The past always hold the answers to the future.

James and Chandra, in Sacramento, being visited as I sit and bang away on me machine, have provided the old geezer with a view of a future less troubled.  Not without some rocks to kick out of path but certainly less worry.

The old geezer is out on queer street at the moment.  Cash has been depleted and funds will not arrive until next month.  Me bad.  No one to blame but ME.  Were it not for the kindness of James and Chandra, the old geezer would be sleeping uncovered.   The lovely couple have been put upon by the old geezer and it is a shocker to find out how much they love the old geezer, as do the children.

The old geezer did warn you at the beginning that the post today would be wordy.  Did I fail to warn of the intimate details to come with?  I do so apologize.

Cheeky buggers that many of the readers of me blog be have oft told that the pages of this very public diary touch most when the old geezer reveals much personal side of me life.  Granted, I do tend to use colourful language and play tricks with, but that is done to keep you interested AND to be odd and different.  Truth be told, the old geezer can write quite plain and correct.  Fancy that, but what is the trick in that?

The old geezer has lost much of late along with the pounds carried.  Must do updated snap, I am so very much thinner...

My life will have as much value as I allow.  I do passionately believe that.  I have a strong feeling that James and I will do battle for the good of folks in a community once lived.  James being much more the leader that the old geezer.  I think that is where the future lies.

I never meant to cause the Big Kahuna worry.  Never was there a more gentle man.  One should never put folks loved to grief and this old geezer owes him too much already.  The life at the hostel as 'tea and tidy' was lovely.  Not being able to walk robbed me of that.  No pay packet but buckets of ALOHA.  For The Big Kahuna(folks are not travelling as much), Albert(job lost), Norman.  The list could go on and on, you get the picture, the old geezer is not the only person to have grief.

I may be down at moment but know now that I am not 'out'.

JAMES RUNS TIGHT SHIP

"You never know someone until you live with them", old adage that applies here. Each and every new soul coming into the Somerset Apartments is a neighbour.

Or so, James, my mate who runs a troubled complex believes.

 A neighbour one is going to have to deal with and sort out if the promise of 'good' is not realized. Risk? Is there any kind of life without risk?

Were it a perfect world, brilliant folks near, would be beating down the door to live here. They are not. Were it a perfect world, all who wanted flats here would make buckets of cash and go to work every day. All do not. Perfection would be to not see folks so down on luck. for whatever reason. Economy has forced many to down-size living, making the flats at the Somerset Apartments the only place to go. Folks on benefits, with limited incomes, have few options. The Complex is not a perfect world, just a complex seeking to be more brilliant and attract tenants who will add to the brilliance to come.

Having vetted all, James is of opinion that new tenants will add to the mix nicely here. Mind, James is  not GOD and there is always the possibility that lies have been told to. There may be problems. One has to have faith.

What James  knows is this. All of the folks moving have been told what is expected of. Rules have been explained to in great detail. Flats have been made as good as possible, knowing that more might have been done, but realizing that price limits the benefits one can add to a unit. Nothing is broke, and every effort has been made to right all wrongs in units. No lies have been told and no false promises made.

What passed as acceptable in past, no longer flies here. Tenants are given every opportunity to enjoy flats in comfort, knowing that repairs will be made if needed. Make do with horrid is no longer an option. Folks who want more out of life than drugs and cheating the system are the goal. The landlord does care and management listens.
James will always remember being told by management of past; "You must allow poor folks grace, give special treatment to, they have nothing and are owed that." Rubbish. Am not scraping the bottom of the barrel anymore, am determined to siphon off the Crème de la Crème of poor but honourable folks looking to live in a safe, clean environment. Bravo James...

DO NOT LET LIFE PASS BY

However LOUD you want to be, do not let Life pass you by...

Bad Hair Day????

Robert Visits 'Wailing Wall'

Meaning no disrespect but you have to admit that the snap above is splitting image of the old geezer travelling 'en cognito'.  And the hat...

I will be fighting with 'Dame Edith' to hold on to such a fine piece of head gear...

Right, so the old geezer has done a bit of 'wailing' of late, but the tears have dried and almost back to 'normal'.  Dear reader, I might share the tale at later date but the wounds are still too fresh.  Truth
be told, you be 'au fait' with the old geezer's desire to share a wee bit too much at times.

Even the Big Kahuna got in on the search to find the old geezer, ringing up the hotel and asking if 'Edith Piaf' was in residence.  He knowing my desire to travel like a 'hidden' celebrity.....

There you have it, a small tease of many interesting tales to unfold on these pages in near future...