DAVE AND SAM WISH A HAPPY CHRISTMAS

I thought it was rather nice of Dave and Sam to remember the old geezer this Christmas.  They seem every so sorry that I will not be stopping by for an eggnog this Christmas Eve.

Mind, I was rather hoping for a card from The Queen.....

YES, VIRGINIA, I AM CRUDE.

I get loads of suggestions from avid readers as to the sort of post I should do.  The lovely person who found this and sent it on, dared me to do something clever with it.

It is an established fact that I adore 'fart' humour.  It must be the Anglophile in me.  In the UK, 'farts' are oft used in comedy to get folks rolling round on the floor.  Personally, I think it is a riot.

I fart.  There I have laid claim to it.  I can not smell and mates do tell that my farts can clear out a ballpark.  Rather think that is a bit harsh on their part, but how would I know.

You do know what they say.  'Better to bear the shame than the pain...

PUSSIES READY TO ATTACK BIRDS

As if having 7 pussies were not enough, Ron informs me that he now has 15 birds, locked in cages, stacked in the living room of his flat.  Does he not know that pussies and birds do not mix?

Gobsmacked I am at the ever growing zoo at Ron's flat.  Makes me think he is in competition with his sister Laura who has 15 pussies, 3 dogs, one-eyed rabbit and a gerbil.

Who has the time to take care of all of these animals, much less the cash to feed.

You do realize that I loathe pussies...

WALKING WEIRD MAKES YOU WEIRD

Changing the way we walk can change our mood and boost our happiness, a study found.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2795736/how-walk-affects-mood-bouncing-street-really-boost-happiness-slumping-makes-sad.html#ixzz3GLZXBJ1o
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EYE CANDY FOR THE PACIFIC ISLANDER LADIES

I happened upon this snap of Channing Tatum in the Daily Mail today.  Fancy that...

What makes this snap so brilliant is that I know a group of lovely ladies from the Islands who think that Channing Tatum is God's gift to the human race.  To say that Val, Anna and Sal are gooey over the chap is like saying that mice crave cheese....

You have got to love the housewives's rag for being able to supply 'eye candy' to so many readers under the heading of 'new's story'.  Would someone tell me why a snap of this chap on the beach is worth a large article in the daily newspaper?

NEVER LET IT BE SAID THAT THE OLD GEEZER DOES NOT GIVE HIS AVID READERS WHAT THEY CRAVE..........

'DEAR' Letters....

'Dear' letter

This old geezer adores cheeky email and recently received a most cheeky one from an avid reader.  One so loves 'dear' letters...

Dear Letters

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black?

WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada
 

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle


Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP


Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God


Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed


Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder


Dear Nickleback,
That's enough.
Sincerely, The World


Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely, United States


Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere


Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies


Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because
some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words.

You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I
was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just
saying...
Sincerely,
Google

WHAT A LOT OF TOSH

'I'm Britain's vainest man and I'm proud of it,' says Dunford. 'Some people think I'm arrogant and I've had men start fights with me on nights out - but they're just jealous. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good.'

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2620687/Meet-personal-trainer-spends-10-000-year-looks-claims-hes-handsome-Brad-Pitt.html#ixzz30w9vLB9J
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

BECKS IN KECKS

Makes one want to rush out and purchase a pair.  As if it would change the shape of this tired old body...

PROOF OF 'FAIRIES'

Truth be told, I am not surprised that a chap from UK has photographic proof of 'fairies'.

Stands to reason that the country that gave us Peter Pan, would be the place to find 'fairies'.

I'll bet they are all 'good fairies'...

GOOD WORD

Americans have started to use the word 'queue' instead of 'in line' - and its all because of Netflix. 

Queue, widely used in Britain, is also common in the technology community in both countries.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2581034/British-invasion-Americans-start-saying-Queue-thanks-Netflix-33-million-U-S-subscribers.html#ixzz2vxBxU1MD
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

MOI ADORES 'THE DAILY MAIL'

This post comes with 'The Daily Mail Song'...

They call the Daily Mail, The Housewives Rag in UK.  Whatever.  This old geezer adores the newspaper.  Where else is MOI going to get so much news?  Drama??  Giggles??

Not the only newspaper read, but as these things go, it gives much to think on. Mind, it also provides a different slant on life in America.  Truly.

Like the song says, 'if it is in the Daily Mail, it must be true'...

WHAT'S IN A NAME

Streets with rude-sounding names like Crotch Crescent, Turkey Cock Lane, Bell End and The Knob could turn out to be a haven for property hunters looking to snap up a bargain, as many will not want to live on a suggestive-sounding street.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2567211/Want-snap-cheap-home-Look-no-Slag-Lane-Properties-rudely-named-streets-cheaper-people-embarrassed-live-there.html#ixzz2uKmpHmKN
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

WHAT A LOT OF LAVENDER

I adore lavender.  Makes me want to add a little music...

UK PARTIES ON

RAIN DOES NOT STOP THE CELEBRATIONS

May well have rained fogs in London yesterday, but it did not stop people from honouring The Queen.

QUEEN SPARKLES AT FLORAL SHOW

The world-renowned show has created a large, tiered flower bed of summer flowers and foliage, designed by the Parish of St Helier, Jersey, with a large rotating Jersey Accession Issue postal stamp as its centrepiece.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2147640/Chelsea-Flower-Show-Queen-wears-flowery-hat-presented-Jubilee-brooch.html#ixzz1vbk9idof

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE AN ENGLAND

With the Diamond Jubilee and all, it is a good time to celebrate UK. 

The gentlemen of the orchestra have the perfect tune...

PASTA STIFFIE???

Dr. OZ is a telly chat show host who bangs on about diet.  Bit full of self if you ask this old geezer.

This snap seems to show the good Doctor getting very charged up over the aroma of pasta dist.   Can you imagine getting a stiffie over a bowl of food?

The old geezer loved his groceries, but never got a stiffie over any thing offered to eat, not even chocolate.

Mind, this story must be true as it is in The Daily Mail AND bears the Good Houskeeping Seal of Approval...

Who needs Viagra if you can pop a stiffie over pasta.....  What happens over meat balls???

ROYAL COUPLE TO RECEIVE GONGS

Royal Couple react to news of gongs

 DATELINE - LONDON

It was announced today at Clarence House, official residence of the Prince of Wales, that HRH Prince Charles and HRH Duchess of Cornwall, have received gongs.  Along with announcing the news of gongs received, an official photograph was released showing the delight of the Royal couple in being honoured.

HRH, The Prince of Wales, is the first male recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Award.  Tampax, the makers of Tampon, acknowledge the unique contribution made by HRH, in raising sales of their product to the highest level.  HRH, The Prince of Wales, in expressing the desire to be ever so close to his beloved, showed a true understanding of the unique qualities of their product.

Gold Bracelet Gong

Clarence House also went on to show the pieces of jewelry awarded to the Duchess of Cornwall.  The BDA presented the gong to HRH, in recognition of  contribution to the promotion of dental health in UK.  In revealing her smile, when a still upper lip normally is shown, HRH got tens of thousands of folks in the UK to go to the dentist to correct, Massive Tooth Syndrome.

Gold and Diamond Broach Gong

So honoured couple, Clarence House has announced that HRH, The Prince of Wales is giving his warrant to Tampon.  HRH, The Duchess of Cornwall is to be a Royal Patron of the BDA.

'ENGLISH JOKE' FOR MUM DAY?

The old geezer received this under the heading of "English Jokes".  With MUM Day being tomorrow, one wonders what this chap will give his mum...

Dame Edith is the sender, the very same who will be celebrating a birthday on 29th of this month.  One wonder what broom will be used to sweep into the gathering?  Or will it be a Hoover???

Am working feverishly to come up with something deliciously wicked to honour the big event...