TALES OF WOE?

One of my more avid readers told in a post that he found 'happiness' in my tales of woe.  Fancy that...

I will allow the above snap speak for me.

Truth be told, in telling of my adventures, there be some who feel it is 'woe'.  Rather think of it as a colourful walk through life, full of rain as well as sunshine.....

'I WANT TO BE ALONE'

Never let it be said that the old geezer does not 'get it' when it comes to the 'wanting to be alone' mood.

Spent a lifetime pushing folks away and running off some who dared to get too close.  I am an expert at killing off friendship.

Yesterday I experienced something that made me realize I had been too busy beating my own drum and hearing the tune coming from someone close to.  You might even say BFF.

Having gone to supper, we found ourselves parked outside my home.  The music was playing and I was enjoying chatting with me friend.  My friend saw it differently.

"Do you not think it strange that we are sitting in a parked vehicle?".  So uneasy was me friend that he suggested that we exit the vehicle and chat in the car park.  Like a bolt from above, it came to me what the real problem was.

"Intimacy" is a dirty word to my friend.  Truth be told, 'relationship' does not do much better.

I should have listened better to me friend in the past.  Were it up to him, a cave in the middle of nowhere, visited by no one, would be the perfect place.  Most of what my friend does on a daily basis is 'alone'.  Let me be clear, it is his choice.

There have been periods in my life that were dark and lonely.  I did everything in my power to keep people out of my life.  If you give nothing of yourself to others, they can never hurt you.  Truth be told, I never really wanted to be alone, just was so very afraid to let any one in.

I have let some in.  The periods spent sharing with someone else are some of the best periods of my life.  I do not do 'single' well.  I crave people in my life.  Tend to think I am best when I get out of meself and live life through different eyes.

I have been told that I come on too strong.  Quite right.  I am trying to make up for lost time.

I understand my friend perfectly.  I really do.

I also know how to shut people out completely.  I did that with my half brother and sister.  There was no room for me and I did not want to accept 'conditional' relationship.

However much I love my friend, he has the right to live on his own terms.  If being 'alone' suits him, why push for change.  That bench in the forest can be his alone.

There is a lot of love left in me and life is too short to offer it where it is not wanted.

Funny thing about life, one door closes and another one opens.....

DO NOT LET GO

There have been times in me life that I did not want to face another day, let alone seize it.  That was then and this is now...

The first time I tried to kill meself I was a little boy, the last time was a man of 40 plus.

Truth be told, I am right glad that I did not get it right.  Just think of all I would have missed.  True, there have ups and downs, and life has not always gone as I would have wanted it to.  I have lost folks dear to me and I have had some dark moments when the tears out numbered the laughs.  I am sure that be true of many.

I am a work in progress.  Of late things have been pretty grand.  Am more at peace with meself than I have ever been.  I like me.  More important, I know that there are folks who think I am pretty special and like me as well.  That is a good thing.

Rather think John would be proud of the man I have become.  John would be right pleased that I have gone on living.

WHO ARE YOU

I cheated.  Made sure to read a bit of David Copperfield.  Always saw meself as David Copperfield...