ALL THINGS CONSIDERED

Robert - Post Stroke - May 2012

My dears, Paul may not be a perfect photographer, considering what he had to work with, the snap turned out rather well.

If MOI keeps cake hole shut, the droop of the lip on the lower side is not noticeable.  Not sure if one can see when talking but it is blatant if the old geezer laughs or tries to open wide.  That might be a good thing in the future...

"THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL US, MAKES US STRONGER"

Of late, the old geezer has given much thought to the above quote and come to basic truths, in light of recent events.

No doubt, the past month will not be looked back on with undiluted pleasure.  It has been one hell of a ride.

In hospital and later at home, MOI has had much time to reflect and it has not been a trip round the pity pole.  Oddly enough, the old geezer believes there is much to be thankful for.  Allow MOI to share with you.

Twice in past year when things turned to custard on, the old geezer has been most fortunate to have someone who helped through the bad patch.  In Hilo, there was Scott, who helped get though the bad fall and was there when me right ear exploded.  Here, in Reno, there has been Paul.  Paul stayed with in ER, and has helped MOI recover in so many ways.  Am lucky to have my very own 'Nurse Ratchett'.  Paul will not let MOI drag leg, forget to take medicines and is constantly reminding to eat something.  Neither of there individuals had to do anything for.  They did or do because they care about the old geezer.

Which brings up the subject of being liked.  MOI knows deep down that there are folks who care if the old geezer is alive.  Bloody hell, when the old geezer left Hilo in a flash, it was Scott who would not allow the departure to go unnoticed and wanted to make sure that all was well.  Times past, it was convenient for MOI to feel that it matter naught if he lived or died.  Total rubbish that was and now full well that that not be the case.  There is no worry that MOI is going to 'deplete the population by one' by own hand, MOI is going to stay until check out time.

It might well be that the good Lord is telling the old geezer something.  Like slow down, you will not be taken any time soon.  Am learning that lame leg is not going to prevent the old geezer from living, just going to make it harder to get round.  Same with the hearing.

The silver lining,and there is always a silver lining, is the plus received.  The old geezer now takes the time to read the faces of folks met.  Get to know them better than a quick glance.  The loss of weight will no doubt help deal with leg and other problems, making the coming years easier to deal with.  Have not quite worked out what is gained with the drooping lip, but it will no doubt come.

MOI has no clue how long life will be.  Rather think that there is much left.  John was taken from 25 years ago and MOI is still here, Paul died in 2010, and if one makes it 25 years past that death, it adds up to a rather long life.  Tragic loss in the past has make MOI realize that life goes on.  The pain of that loss is less as the years roll by, but one does get on in life.  One of God's tests?  Telling us that we are stronger than we believed?

When the old geezer was in ER, the priest came and gave the Sacrament of the Sick, confession was made and the old geezer was at peace.  Truly.  MOI could not remember last time he had been evil to anyone.  Truth be told, confession was easy as there was not much to tell.  There be many who will never understand my being a Catholic.  It works for MOI, that is all that matters.

The lovely gentlemen in the orchestra are ready to play for you...

Truth be told, the old geezer is clueless where the path of life is leading MOI.  Rather think that there are adventures yet to be had.  Am quite sure that there be many more interesting folks to meet.  MOI thought he had it all figured out as to landing spot after ear surgery.  Now it has to be re-thought.  One hopes that the leg and arm will improve, am told that there is strong possibility of that.  The lasting effects of the stroke could be ever so slight.  What is known is that MOI will slow down and makes sure that each and every moment of life is enjoyed to the fullest.  There is no thought given to passing, that ill come when it is time, not sooner.

There you have it, my thoughts on what has happened and what might come to pass.  Truly, the old geezer is quite comfy and at peace.  How many can say that???

POST OP DIET CHANGES

Truth be told, it was not until the sense of taste went, that the old geezer gave the roll of smell in how one views food much thought.

Got me to thinking it did.  Found me self trying to remember the last time I actually smelled what was on the dinner plate.  It has been ages since the smell of food got me to salivate or proclaim how deliciously it was going to be going into me gob hole.  That lead me to really give the matter a think on.

I remember quite clearly loving the smells of fresh baked bread.  The different aromas of cheese, wickedly rich smell of good chocolate.  The mouth watering smell of french fries.

It would seem that me sense of smell has been way off for ages and just did not know it.  That was driven home hard, when the operation took the sense of taste as well.

 Contrary to popular belief, the map of taste, is not as clear cut as thought.  The map is all wrong.  Seems that the sense of taste is in degrees and it can vary greatly.

I remember vividly, tearing open a 'family' sized 2 pound bag of M&M's placing in a bowl and feeding them into gob hole.  Remember feeling the chocolate melt and roll over tongue  waves of pleasure through me transport sized body.  The pleasure was so intense that I did not stop until the whole 2 pounds was gone and I was in a sugar stupor.

Last night, having nothing better to do, I went to the kitchen and did some testing.

There was a half full glass of wine.  A lovely Merlot.  I put the glass under me ample nose and smelled nothing.  Mind, it did not smell earlier, but the effect was same, I felt more than tasted the wine.

Next, I opened the ice box and pulled out different items known to have different tastes.

Sweet was easy, placing sweet on all parts of tongue produced no taste.  That was followed by sour, same results as was bitter and salty.  Not one area of the tongue responded with a response that I expected.

One week on, since the surgery, and meal times are not looked forward to with undiluted pleasure.  There is the horrid metallic sensation to begin with, and then there is the right nasty sense that most enjoyed foods now come off as if one is eating saw dust.

There is no snacking of any kind.  Rather think that my intake is off by 60% or better.  Because food holds no enjoyment, I find me self masticating each and every bite, very slowly.  That means that I fill up with so much less than before and do not want to linger at the table.  I have to force me self to eat.

The above snap is of the old geezer, on holiday, in Hawaii, 2009.  As you can see, it is a close race between the statue and self, as to who is largest.  Look at that massive face, the belly, below waist pouch of hanging fat, the legs.  Arms are huge as well.  Had almost reached the high point of FAT, which was just a tad over 400 pounds.  Remember I am but 5'8" and I was wearing a 4x t-shirt and shorts that were over 50 inches.  Even after being on a diet for two years, the loss of 170 pounds, the old geezer was still fat.

I was massive in size because I took delight in food.  There was comfort in every bit of fat that went into me gob hole.  Truth be told, fat tastes bloody good.  You crave it, lust after it , die for it.  At least that is what I did.

To my credit, I got religion and went on a diet, lost loads of fat.  BUT, I still craved the pleasure of food.  In times of stress or depression, a carton of chocolate ice cream was not safe in the same room as I.  Crisps were another comfort food and endless bags were consumed. Then I  would fast and get under control and wait for the next binge.

The minute I discovered that food had no appeal, the craving went away.  I mean completely.  Not having any taste, it was too much of a chore to be bothered with something that had no enjoyment. It is as if a switch has been thrown.  Know now why sick people drop massive amounts of weight.

The mystery of weight control had finally been revealed.  Take away the main attraction of food, its taste, and pleasure derived from, and it becomes a simple act of eating to stay alive.  How simple.

While it is not something I would wish on anyone, the loss of taste has not been a total loss.  They say that it brings with it a dramatic change in how one views food.  You think?  One week on, and the scales tell that 7 pounds are gone.  Why eat if groceries do not call to? 

The experts tell one that some of the delight might return, months down the road.  Mind, taste is gone, will never return to what it was before the operation.  I rather think I am in the group that will have a complete dietary change.  I must tell true, I am not hungry, when I feel the need to eat, I do.  Just require so much less to fill up and walk away from table.  That is not entirely a bad thing.

I return to see the doctor in one month and rather think he will see a whole different person.  I may never weigh 144 pounds again in me life, but think it will be so much lower than am at present.  I will have to let you know in one month when I do another weight check.

This old geezer can travel the chat show circuit and tell one and all the real secret to dramatic weight loss.  Might make a fortune...

POST-OP DOCTOR VISIT A MIXED BLESSING

As the old geezer sat in the waiting room, looking  about the room, it came as a bit of a shock just how much sound was missing from me life.  The telly could not be heard.  Conversations going on round were not heard.  Small Children playing could not be hear.  Paul chatting with two patients waiting was beyond my ability to listen in on.  Point of fact, the room was very quite, although was told that there were many sounds at play.  I have entered a new phase in the downward slide to total loss of hearing.  Major effort has to be made to hear anything at all, and that is dependant on the co-operation of folks round.  I can catch sound, it just is a whole lot harder.

I had prepared a list of things to ask the good doctor and he was more than willing to answer all of me questions.

First off, the old geezer apologized for shouting when last in office.

First question asked was about the loud ringing and swishing sounds heard.  That noise is not real but coming from the brain.  The Tinnitus can be more pronounced after the surgery had.  In some cases, the ringing and swishing can be more severe after surgery and never go away.  My doctor believes that in time, and one must remember that it has been but one week since I had the operation, the Tinnitus may well sort itself out.  He pointed out, however, that that may not be for me.

Second question asked was about loss of sense of taste and the very strong metallic taste.  The good doctor explained to me that in order to do what he had to do to remove the massive diseased areas, a nerve was cut.  That nerve controls the taste on the tongue.  That means that sense of taste on tongue is lost forever.  The sense of taste, sweet, salty, sour and bitter are controlled by the tongue.  Meaning that there might well be some taste to come back on the very right side of the tongue.

I was also informed that smell plays a role in how things taste, and while there was nothing done to impair me nose, there could be other reasons for that being off as well.

Truth be told, the old geezer failed to ask the proper questions in going into this operation.  The good doctor reminded me that in order to bring the horrid disease under control, he had to do loads of cutting away.  The damage to bones and nerves was massive.  I have no doubt the the good doctor had a right hard time clearing up the damage.  He also did reconstructive surgery to ear canal and ear drum.

I was quite honest in telling the doctor that had I known just how severe the operation was going to be, I would not have done it.  The problem with that stand, as the doctor clearly pointed out, was that the damage was MASSIVE, not responding to treatment, and all the while, nasty things were eating away at everything in its path.  Rightly so, the doctor reminded me of just how huge the problem was, and failure to do the operation, would have more than like continued the decline and could have caused to to suffer brain infection that would kill.  In other words, I was damned either way.

I had to be reminded that I am over 60, take thyroid drugs and high blood pressure medication.  ALL of which play into the loss of taste and smell.

I keep coming back to my sense that the operation would be a 'piece of cake'.  Too wrong.

I have the good fortune of having a most clever ENT man.  He knew what had to be done and did it.  He never promised me miracles.  He just told me that when he was finished, the diseased parts of the ear would be gone forever.  Given the state of me poor ear, I have no doubt that he dug, cut and jack-hammered away to do it right the first time.

It may well be that I was told about some of the losses, but was so locked into me face dropping, that it never registered.  Mind, given that the old geezer loves his groceries, you would think I would have locked in on the loss of taste.

The plug from ear was removed as were the stitches behind the ear.

TIME will heal some of my complaints.  More time than I have allowed so far.  We are talking months.  Like the numbness of ear, all of the nerves were cut to peel it back and it is going to take months for that to sort self out.  What may have been lost or gained in hearing is also going to take time.  I have to face this one day at a time.  I need to not be so impatient.  Go with the flow...

The good news is that the nasty headaches are all but gone.  The pressure in head is greatly reduced.  The vertigo is way down.

My ears do not look normal inside.  The right ear suffered a major blow out last year and that has left its marks.  No doubt the left ear is quite different now.  Hearing tests have revealed that even with hearing devices, the level of hearing to be gained is never going to be anywhere near normal.

I still have some hearing.  Bit off at the moment, but am not completely deaf.  The trick will be to see if the operation keeps it a levels before the surgery or it drops further.  I am much better at reading lips, reading faces and getting myself placed correctly to help the sounds get to me.  My days using the telephone may well be limited.

All in all, I rather think that things are going well.  The surgery gave me the three things hoped for.  Massive win I should think.

While it is a quality of life issue not imagined, the loss of taste, does come with its good side.  More than like will drop a stone or two in weight.

I have had loads of time to get used to loss of sounds.  There are many things I will never hear again.  I will have to be more careful.  Will I miss the sound of a fart????  Or a mobile???