MEA CULPA

Confiteor Deo omnipotenti, beatae Mariae semper Virgini, beato Michaeli Archangelo, beato Joanni Baptistae, sanctis Apostolis Petro et Paulo, omnibus Sanctis, et tibi pater: quia peccavi nimis cogitatione, verbo et opere: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Ideo precor beatam Mariam semper Virginem, beatum Michaelem Archangelum, beatum Joannem Baptistam, sanctos Apostolos Petrum et Paulum, omnes Sanctos, et te Pater, orare pro me ad Dominum Deum Nostrum.

My dears, being a true diarist, I have sinned most grieviously toward you the dear reader.  I omitted something of self that was considered most private and did not share in these pages.  Was of the belief that it was known to folks who mattered most, me mates, life long mates, and was of no import to any others.

Events yesterday have made MOI realize that it matters a great deal to others and will not allow taunts to be hurled at and go unanswered.  Pray forgive if it be too much information to share but am going to lay bare my darkest secret.

I am 'Bi-Polar', there I said it loud and clear for one and all to hear.

Bipolar disorder or manic–depressive disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood. These moods are clinically referred to as mania or, if milder, hypomania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time.


Data from the United States on lifetime prevalence varies, but indicates a rate of around 1% for Bipolar I, 0.5–1% for Bipolar II. The onset of full symptoms generally occurs in late adolescence or young adulthood. Diagnosis is based on the person's self-reported experiences, as well as observed behavior. Episodes of abnormality are associated with distress and disruption, and an elevated risk of suicide, especially during depressive episodes. In some cases it can be a devastating long-lasting disorder; in others it has also been associated with creativity, goal striving and positive achievements; there is significant evidence to suggest that many people with creative talents have also suffered from some form of bipolar disorder.

Genetic factors contribute substantially to the likelihood of developing bipolar disorder, and environmental factors are also implicated. Bipolar disorder is often treated with mood stabilizer medications, and sometimes other psychiatric drugs. Psychotherapy also has a role, often when there has been some recovery of stability. In serious cases in which there is a risk of harm to oneself or others involuntary commitment may be used; these cases generally involve severe manic episodes with dangerous behavior or depressive episodes with suicidal ideation. There are widespread problems with social stigma, stereotypes and prejudice against individuals with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. People with bipolar disorder exhibiting psychotic symptoms can sometimes be misdiagnosed as having schizophrenia, another serious mental illness.

Sharing company with MOI in living with the illness, or having lived with the illness are; Ben Stiller, Robin Williams, Patty Duke, Bethoven, Ted Turner, Buzz Aldrin, Winston Churchill, Theodore Roosevelt and Mark Twain.  Very good company indeed.

In the car park at the complex lived, it was hurled at MOI that it was the reason behaviour was not liked by many folks on road, in the community and complex lived at.  It was the reason that a petition was passed round, to force me business partner to run out of community on a rail.

The person making all of the comments about illness had received that information from a person once trusted.  A person thought of as a 'friend'.  Past management who had been told of the secret to try and show that any one can overcome tragic things in life, even this old geezer.

They say that if you truly are going to be mates with another, one has to give that person the tools to destroy you, that is how true 'friendship' works, allowing the person trusted to see with warts and all.  There are times that that trust is mis-placed, and this would seem to be one of thoes times.  How very sad.

A HOMOSEXUAL BI-POLAR NUTTER!  Call the folks with the wagon to collect and lock away from the world.  It is far too dangerous to allow this old geezer to live among benefits cheats, lazy layabout scroungers, druggies, conmen and wife beaters.

It must be manic behaviour that forces MOI to toil away many hours a day, sometimes 7 days a week, to create a garden paradise in Linda.  To raise the bar of Civic Pride and Moral Responsibility.  To see wrong and try to right it.  To show folks with low self esteem that they can be brilliant.

It must be a depression-like coma that allows MOI to reach out to folks in need of a helping hand.  To provide a safe harbour to a young lad suffering from a most serious mental illness.  Make a home possible for a young mother trying to care for wee lad in wheelchair.  A safe place for so many children to live and grow up to be responsible future citizens of the community.

Leaving troubles behind, this old geezer tries to find time for the things that truly matter in life.

Like bucking up the spirits of a partner in business who also suffers from Bi-Polar, tries to re-light the fire of his vision to create a better place to live for less fortunate folks.  All the while trying to provide a good home for minor child dealing with tragic events coming out of a broken marriage.

It must explain having a flatmate who suffers from an illness that will kill at too young an age.  Or try to help flatmate deal with schizophrenia.

I can not apologize for what God had seen fit to give me to carry as crosses in life.  While well aware of all of the blessings received from the Lord, there are the not so wanted challenges given that one must deal with as part of the package.

My not so loved birth mum, gave me things that marked me for life.  Loss of a family life, the life long battle with mental illness and the challenge of rising above the wicked things done to in orphanages raised.

That is the way of it my dears, what is one to do?  Crawl into a hole and die?  I think not.

Each and every morn, when I rise from me cot, I go to the bath and look into the mirror.  I repeat a phrase learned; "I GIVE MY SELF PERMISSION TO HAVE A GOOD DAY, TODAY."  I like to think that me actions serve as proof that the battle to do just that is won more oft than not.

To the not so kind person who wanted me to feel horrid that it was known that I had troubles, I can only say to that person and any other wanting a reason to not credit with more than a mental illness;

mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa...

Right proud am I to be in the company of folks who overcame the stigma of being Bi-Polar.  It did not stop one from being awarded the Noble Peace Prize, being President of the United States, becoming an astronaut, giving the world beautiful music to last the ages, make the worl laugh, become the largrest landowner in America, build an empire, save the world during WWII, or give some of the finest words ever written.

Mind, what does this old bent bi-polar geezer know?