REMEMBERING

Today I switched on the telly and was confronted by the HBO film "The Normal Heart."  I knew the film was being played this month and went out of my way to avoid it.  I thought that due to the nature of the film it would play at a time I was not likely to be up and would not see it.

There is no doubt that the film is powerful.

Unlike many who will watch this film today, in 2014, I was there at the beginning of this terrible event.  It is not likely that I will ever forget the events lived through.

I did not believe then and do not believe now, that no one cared or that the government did nothing.  No one knew what caused people to get sick.  Leaders of the gay movement were as much in the dark as doctors and the government.  I do know that there was fear.  Fear among gay people and the general population.

I remember hearing about AIDS very early on.  There were a lot of people who had heard of this terrible illness that seemed to be striking down many young gay men.  It was the conversation that took place in quiet corners, in whispers.  In San Francisco they took to calling it 'The Flu'.  "Have you heard that Jack has the 'flu'.

I remember being told NOT to get tested, as it meant nothing, and could be used to round up homosexuals at a later date.

Very early on my partner in life and I took the test together.  We had to fight to get the test together.  We were given a number to identify our sample.  John and I gave each other our numbers, wanting to keep it honest and let the other know what our status was.  Mind, at the time there were members of the gay movement that told folks that the positive result meant only that you had been 'exposed' to the virus.

When the test results came back, John opened my number and it said negative.  I opened John's number and it said positive.  I knew on that day that the person I loved most in the world was 'infected' with a virus that could kill him.  The clock was ticking and I needed to learn all I could about the virus.

I wrote letters.  I went to meetings.  I visited sick friends in hospital.  I helped as much as I could.  Not because I was a perfect person.  I did all that I did because I wanted to be able to help John as much as I could if he got sick.  I also wanted to give myself the courage to stand and fight with John and not run away in his hour of need.

John did get AIDS.  I did not run away.

I remember so much about that period of my life.

I remember the friends that would not come to visit out of fear.  I remember friends hiding their own illness.  I remember so many people left to die alone in hospital.  Mostly I remember the fear in the gay community.  I also remember the anger.

I will go to my grave believing that all that could have been done for John was done.  In the beginning there was not much known about AIDS and there were few drugs that seemed to help.  The most important thing that could be done for John was done.  The people that he cared about were there for him.  His job and his co-workers never turned their back on him.

The HBO film is very powerful.  It will win awards.  It will make people stop and think.

I do not agree with the film.

I do not believe that I have ever been ashamed of being homosexual.  I knew very early on that I was different.  I knew there would be problems in life but then there are problems for everyone who is different.

Who said life was fair?

I have been tested for the AIDS virus more times than I can count.  I have never been infected with the virus.  I seriously doubt that AIDS is something I need to be worried about.

It is sort of nice that being 'homosexual' seems to be the flavour of the decade.  Homosexuals seems to be everywhere these days.  Call me thick as a brick but have they not always been?

Years ago there was a book written about the early days of the AIDS plague.  "And The Band Played On".

There is not a person alive that does not know how you can get AIDS.  Yet people still get AIDS.  It never really was a 'gay plague' and yet the number of new cases have large numbers of gay people.  It is reported that the number of new syphilis cases is on the rise among the gay population.  So much for 'no glove, no love'.

I have more 'straight' friends than gay friends.  No trick that, there are more 'straight' people than gay people.

The HBO film is a powerful film.  It will have loads of folks clucking their tongues and proclaiming to one and all how proud they are to have gay friends.  That is nice.

'and the band plays on'....